June, 2016

[For Game of Thrones “No One” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

HBO Summary:
No One. Jaime weighs his options; Cersei answers a request; Tyrion’s plans bear fruit; Arya faces a new test.

This has been an uneven season for Game of Thrones with the writers plunging into uncharted narrative territory that all fans of the books were nervous we would never get to see. “The Door” was as memorable an episode as any in the entire run. At the same time, as they work without the guidance of the the source material, they have struggled — in my opinion — with tone this season. Scenes have been punctuated with one-liners that sometimes deliver and sometimes land like a fart.

“No One” is the eighth episode in the current season and instead of a traditional recap I am going to break down the episode line by line.

“Trust me, if my soup didn’t kill you nothing will.” — Lady Crane

When last we saw Arya she had been stabbed repeatedly in the belly and was fleeing from the Waif who was looking to finish the job. She ends up in the care of Lady Crane, the actress she refused to kill leading to her current predicament. Lady Crane reveals that she has gotten good at tending to wounds by putting holes in the bad men she is so attracted to. She asks Arya to join the troupe but Arya does not want to put her at risk. When Arya attempts to refuse the milk of the poppy, Lady Crane assures her that it can’t be more dangerous than her cooking.

“You’re shit at dying, you know that?” — The Hound

The Hound tracks down some stray grab-ass members of the Brotherhood Without Banners who slaughtered Brother Rey’s flock last week. He dispatches the first three and has the fourth on his knees with his insides falling out. Clegane demands the whereabouts of the leader of the party, the one with the yellow cloak, that killed his friends. “Fuck you!” replies the man. When asked if those are what he really wants to be his last words the man reconsiders and utters “Cunt!” before being finished off by both axe and barb.

“The most famous dwarf in the world.” — Tyrion Lannister

Varys and Tyrion walk through Mereen and marvel as the legend of Daenerys spreads like…well, you know… as the followers of the Lord of Light preach throughout the city. Both would feel better if the actual Mother of Dragons would return. Varys has faith that she will while Tyrion is more skeptical. In the meantime Varys is leaving on a secret mission to Westeros and has to part ways with Tyrion before he boards the ship. It would hardly be wise for him to be seen in the company of the most famous dwarf in all the city. Tyrion corrects him on his phrasing.

“I choose violence.” — Cersei Lannister

Cersei is summoned to appear before the High Septon at the great Sept of Baelor by the sparrows who have come to the Red Keep to fetch her. When she refuses to leave the keep the sparrows move to take her by force. The Mountain steps in their way and Lancel orders him to step aside or face violence. Cersei makes it clear what she prefers and the sparrows flee after The Mountain rips the head off of one of them.

Cersei is counting on The Mountain to defend her against the High Septon’s charges in trial by combat but she learns she has been outmaneuvered again. She may choose violence but it will not be an option as Thommen decrees that the barbaric practice will be no longer be allowed in the Seven Kingdoms while also announcing trial dates for his mother and Loras Tryrell.

“I don’t think you know many girls like her.” — Brienne of Tarth

Brienne and Podrick comes to see Jamie Lannister at his warcamp outside of Riverrun. She wants to offer him an alternative to laying siege. She will approach the Blackfish and offer him a chance to join Sansa’s side in Winterfell and allow Jamie take the castle. Jamie is skeptical of the deal but it willing to let her try. He does not take the sword Oathkeeper back from her despite her completing the task of finding and rescuing Sansa. Jamie is surprised to discover that Sansa is still alive. In his experience girls like her don’t live very long.

Brienne convinces the Blackfish that she does indeed carry word from Sansa but is unable to convince him to join her side. She has failed.

“I make joke.” — Grey Worm

The scene sounds almost like the set up to one of Tyrion’s jokes. The Imp, Grey Worm and Missandei are sitting in the Great Pyramid of Meereen drinking wine. Tyrion is trying to loosen them both up by making them drink wine and tell jokes. Grey Worm professes to not understand jokes — which Missandei has described as “a story…not necessarily a true story” — but when he criticizes her attempt as the worst joke he has ever heard it is revealed that he lied about his experience with humor. He explains that he wasn’t actually lying…

His metajoke is much more successful than either effort by other two and they actually share a laugh. Tyrion is about to launch into what is undoubtedly a much bawdier joke when the call goes out that the city is under siege by a fleet of slavers. The advisors try to figure out the best way to defend the city only to have Daenarys wordlessly appear on the balcony with a dragon of mass destruction flapping its wings in the background.

“I. Love. Cersei.” — Jamie Lannister

Jamie lays things out very simply for Edmure. He is going to take over as the king of his castle and open the gates and let Jamie’s army in without a fight. If he does not do this Jamie is going to bring Edmure’s baby — Catelyn Stark’s nephew — to the frontlines and launch it into the river with a catapult. Jamie makes it abundantly clear there is only one thing he cares about and the sooner he can lay siege to this castle, the sooner he can get back to her.

“I haven’t had a proper swordfight in years. I expect I will make a damn fool of myself.” — The Blackfish

Edmure folds to Jamie’s will and surrenders the castle. The Blackfish helps Brienne and Podrick find their way to a rowboat beneath the castle that will let them return to fight by Sansa’s side. He is going to buy them some time and go down fighting.

“A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell and I’m going home.” — Duh!

Lady Crane is killed brutally by The Waif who has come to finish off Arya as well. Arya escapes through the streets and stumbles her way to where she has needle stashed. The Waif laughs a the sight of her with the sword but that is the last thing he sees as Arya extinguishes the candle illuminating the room.

Jaqen walks in on Arya mounting The Waif’s face in the House of Black and White and seems pleased with Arya’s triumph; “Finally a girl is no one.”

[For Penny Dreadful “No Beast So Fierce” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

Showtime Summary:
No Beast So Fierce. When Vanessa turns to an old friend for help she is introduced to a new ally.

The upheaval, sexytime, and tumult of episode six for Penny Dreadful this season revolves around the seven sins. Vanessa gives in to Lust and The Creature’s Pride takes a bitter, gut-busting hit. Hecate, Rusk, Ethan’s father, and The Marshal all succumb to vengeful Wrath. While Victor Frankenstein and Dorian struggle with the push and pull between Envy and Greed. Then, although not Sloth in the traditional sense, Dr. Seward and an enchanting new character, Catriona give Vanessa the same lazy ass “friendly” advice. It’s not their fault, really and they mean well. But when it comes to sins, intentions aren’t what counts. Fact is, their advice reeks of careless words wrapped in a papery thin guise of friendship.

Luckily, there’s a bright side to sintown. We get to hear the best line of the season thus far when Malcolm finally sees Kaetany is alive after all, “I knew you were too mean to die,” Murray says. There are many more memorable and even funny lines in “No Beat So Fierce”. It’s one of those episodes where if you’re not careful you may find yourself talking to the screen. One moment you could cheer Lily’s half/feminist and half/fucked up tirade about vengeance and violence against women. The next you’re gasping “No, you’re not. You never are,” to the oblivious Vanessa describing herself to Lyle as, “quite safe”. Nothing is ever safe on this show and the characters are all so preoccupied with sinning that, although they mean well, their “assistance” just makes things worse. The seven deadly sins get in the way of progress or healing, just like in real life. Because the “No Beast So Fierce,” scenes resound with so much power, we’re dividing this recap by scenes rather than roles.

The episode opens with a brief glimpse into Renfield’s Gluttony. After he gives Dracula the news about Vanessa’s latest She knows your name, Master. She called you Dracula. Renfield gets his unquenchable bloodlust temporarily sated when Drac offers him a “fat and juicy” fresh victim hanging from a meat hook. While he’s munching away, we wonder if Dr. Seward will see any difference in Renfield soon. She’s brilliant, after all, and her entire job revolves around observing human behavior. When will she see that he’s becoming less and less human?

Speaking of Dr. Seward’s observations, one of the inherent limitations every therapist faces is the myopia of their patients. Seward can only know what Vanessa tells her. So, when they share a drink together and Dr. Seward explains how she killed her abusive husband and stood trial in NYC. Although shocking, it’s not wholly surprising to Vanessa because she saw this scene from Dr. Seward’s past in the asylum episode. Vanessa just didn’t know it was her husband she’d killed. Speaking of just not knowing, this is a scene where Dr Seward unknowingly gives Vanessa horrendously lazy advice. It’s the kind of Sloth that’s unavoidable. She means well but advises Vanessa to “go and have drink with that handsome doctor from the museum,” because Vanessa must learn some people are trustworthy. She gets the same well-meaning advice from her newfound friend, the death-obsessed and exceptional fencer, Catriona, who advises Vanessa to seek out those she loves as protection from the notorious Dracula. Too bad neither of them know that the only “love” Vanessa has right now is Drac himself.

At first it feels like a celebration of love, seeing The Creature clutch his invalid son tight to rock him back and forth with comforting words and promises of medicine. Then it gets a little darker as his son whispers that he knew his father “the angel” would come to him as he died. A child dying is a bit of a downer, especially given the wretched existence of our beloved Creature. Can’t the guy get even a few minutes of happiness and love in this lifetime? Well, no. Because when the boy finally opens his eyes and sees The Creature’s face after only having heard the voice of his father coming from this person. He screams in horror. This, of course, is a crushing blow to our beloved Creature. He’s bereft because it’s not just his Pride that’s broken but also his heart.

The biggest and baddest scenes of the episode are the two bloodbaths at Talbot Ranch. Penny Dreadful loses four major characters to Wrath: Hecate, Rusk, The Marshal, and Ethan’s father – Dickhead Talbot, as we like to call him. It’s almost overkill the way bullets blaze across the Talbot Ranch dinner table and one wonders how this could’ve been avoided. The simple answer is that it couldn’t. Ethan’s father hated the Apaches and had everything to do with their destruction, literally murdering his way into owning all the land he nows claims as Talbot Ranch. So, of course Kaetany comes for revenge and blasts into the house taking down ranchers galore. Soon after most of the others also bite the dust. Dickhead Talbot kills The Marshal and then Hecate takes a bullet to the heart from Rusk while defending Ethan. As she dies Hecate tells Ethan Hell awaits them both before drifting there herself. Interestingly, she exited this mortal coil in naked demon form but Ethan kissed her scary-ass face goodbye anyway, sad but unafraid. Soon after we have the final Talbot massacre. All that’s left are some ranchers and Dickhead Talbot hiding in the ranch chapel. The trio Ethan, Malcolm and Kateany find them quickly and when the bombastic Mr. Talbot berates Ethan, he can’t bring himself to shoot his father. But Dickhead gets a bullet between the eyes anyway, care of Malcolm’s Wrath. In the end this mighty trio of men are the only one’s left alive. Malcolm Murray and Kaetany saved their son from his own father. Irony’s the real winner tonight.

Vanessa falls under the Lustful spell of Dracula’s Dr. Sweet facade. It’s noteworthy that he doesn’t really lie to her. Yes, his vague banter with promises to never leave her side and love her forever lack clarification. But that’s just because he neglects to mention that he is, in fact, Dracula. Other than that small detail, the guy’s totally on the up and up. They have sex right there on the taxidermy room floor with the stuffed wolf watching (clearly not a coincidence) and Vanessa takes cowgirl position, her skirt spread over them for the sake of Victorian sensibilities. So, yes, sex. But no, not sexy. Afterward Vanessa cries and Dracula wipes away her tears. All we can think is that there are more where those came from and likely falling in torrents real soon.

Justine may not be immortal but she’s certainly enthralling, a sociopath – sure, but we’ve all got our flaws. She could have her own show and Lily would be its biggest fan. Her taunting and teasing make Dorian, Envious because Lily likes it a little too much. So, Dorian confronts Lily saying HE’s the one who belongs beside her. Dorian expects Lily to fall into his handsome, immortal arms and declare her undying devotion but instead she defends Justine saying Justine’s more her match than Dorian could ever be. This doesn’t sit well with him and we predict a showdown between he and Justine in the weeks ahead. If anybody can figure out how to destroy Dorian Grey, it’s that furious little minx, Justine. She’s Greedy for a kill with Dr. Frankenstein too. He shows up to kidnap Lily and gets caught in a deadly Warrior Girl spiderweb. Lily has already begun assembling her ex-prostitute army and they’ve battened the hatches, easily taking him down with a knife to the throat. Greed is the only reason they let him live because he could potentially help their army. Dr. Frankenstein can make people immortal, after all. Who better to wage war against sadistic men than an army of gorgeous sex mavens that can’t be killed? At least that appears to be what Lily’s got brewing in the back of her mind when she lets him live…

“No Beast So Fierce” feels like a dream while at the same time awakening us to what’s really happening on Penny Dreadful. So beautifully written while the acting and orchestration work together like art, it’s breathtaking how easy they make it look when this is all unbelievably difficult to pull off. The writers manage to pack complex and relevant information into every onscreen second and at the same time make us feel a thousand emotions while sitting on the edge of our seats. We’re still poised there, in fact, because in the preview scenes for next week we see that Vanessa and Ethan will reunite soon. Dracula against Ethan represents the swordfight to end all swordfights and who will Vanessa want to win? It’s an amazing testament to the show that we even wonder.

–Katherine Recap

A new… (or at least new-ish) Top 8 Magic Podcast was posted on ManaDeprived.com this week!

Billed as “The Grand Unified Theory of Comics, Basketball, Magic, and Television Part 9: The Epic Conclusion” Top 8 Magic podcasters MichaelJ and BDM joke about their collective long absence from the Canadian mics.

Mike and Brian attend a Friday Night Magic at Montasy Comics in NYC, with Brian playing Limited and Mike playing Constructed. This episode contains extensive Magic: The Gathering chats, plus an after-tournament trek to Korea Town for a round of #tauntingjonbecker

For those interested, Mike played a B/R Control deck featuring draft superstar Grip of Desolation in his sideboard. We here at Fetchland will leave you to the podcast to find out how he did. To wit:

Rakdos Control, by Michael J Flores

3 Kalitas, Traitor of Ghet
4 Goblin Dark-Dwellers

1 Ob Nixilis, Reignited
1 Chandra Flamecaller

1 Dark Petition
4 Fiery Impulse
4 Grasp of Darkness
2 Transgress the Mind
4 Tormenting Voice
1 Ultimate Price
4 Read the Bones
3 Ruinous Path
2 Kolaghan’s Command

4 Blighted Fen
4 Drownyard Temple
4 Foreboding Ruins
4 Mountain
4 Smoldering Marsh
6 Swamp

Sideboard
4 Reality Smasher
1 Dark Petition
1 Duress
2 Grip of Desolation
1 Infinite Obliteration
3 Languish
1 Ob Nixilis, Reignited
1 Ruinous Path
1 Virulent Plague

Read the full blog post “The Grand Unified Theory of Comics, Basketball, Magic, and Television Part 9: The Epic Conclusion” on ManaDeprived.com

Listen to “The Grand Unified Theory of Comics, Basketball, Magic, and Television Part 9: The Epic Conclusion” here:

Direct Download

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[For Preacher “See” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

AMC Summary:
See. Jesse tries to be a “good preacher,” unaware that a mysterious duo is after him. Meanwhile we meet the enigmatic Cowboy.

Before we get into it, I want to emphasize that these recaps will be focused on the show itself, and not so much on how it adapts the comic book. So for those of you who’ve never read the book, don’t worry, each episode will be taken at face value.

“What if this is the me God wants?”
– Eugene (aka Arseface)

Preacher had a solid sophomore effort in episode 2, keeping up with the cool visuals and continuing to try and build up the core three of Jesse, Tulip and Cassidy. So far Preacher hasn’t cared too much about explaining itself very much, trusting that the visuals, intriguing characters, and suspenseful plot twists will hold the audience until the inevitable (hopefully) payoff. Similar to the Pilot, the show opens in a location totally distinct from where the majority of action of the rest of the episode takes place. Last week it was in outer space, while this week it was in a western prairie in 1881 (brought to you by the awesome title cards that are a delightful touch). There are a handful of scenes centered around a bedridden sick girl, her caretaker, and a shadowy, quiet figure who’s sent on a mission (presumably to help the sick girl). I got the sense that most of the scenes were just an excuse for Rogen & Goldberg (who directed this episode along with the Pilot) to have some cool western visuals and a sick score similar to something you’d see in a Sergio Leone film. We’re not really given any insight into what these scenes have to do with the show in the broader sense, except for a slight call back later in the show to the town of Ratwater, which is the town the shadowy figures rides through and we get a glimpse of a tree full of dismembered and disfigured Native Americans. (Please note: while Ratwater sounds like a town in New Jersey, I believe it’s likely located somewhere in Texas).

The rest of the episode is mostly focused on Jesse (THE titular “Preacher”) and him going about trying to be the Ppreacher he promised his congregation he’d be at the end of the Pilot. Tulip and Cassidy have their moments as well (including a sweet chainsaw fight that’s comparable to the airplane fight Cassidy got into in the Pilot), but the focus was really on Jesse and him reconciling how he thinks he should be acting versus what his inner urges are telling him to do. He baptizes his flock, he sits bedside with a girl who was kicked in the head by a horse, and he even tries to recruit more church members in front of a supermarket. All the while, he’s chided by Tulip as well as his inner demons to take a different course of action. This was most evident when he takes the confession of a bus driving pedophile. Jesse can tell that, while this man hasn’t done anything yet other than have sick thoughts about a girl on his school bus, he could be headed down a dangerous path. At first Jesse seems to just take the confession and move on, but the constant site of the school bus driving by is a haunting reminder of what could happen, and his impotence at stopping it. It finally took a conversation with Eugene (who we learned became disfigured when he tried to kill himself with a shotgun) to open Jesse’s eyes to what he needed to do. Eugene was talking about himself when he asked, “what if this is the me God wants?”, but Jesse asked that question of himself. Was it really wrong for him to ignore what his body was telling him to do if God placed these urges in him? So Jesse breaks into the pedophile’s house, and in true Preacher fashion, baptizes him in scalding water.

The other key thing about that scene was that we got another glimpse of Jesse’s new found ability of persuasion. As he was dunking the pedophile into the bathtub, Jesse keeps repeating “You will forget her!” When his voice gets deeper, we know that the power of persuasion is kicking in, and suddenly, so does Jesse. He can sense something big just happened, and when the creepy bus driver can’t remember anything, Jesse realizes what he can do. The episode ends with him sitting bedside of the unconscious girl and whispers… “Open your eyes!”

A few other things:

• Cassidy had yet another sweet fight scene, this time in the church between the two mystery men who were outside the church at the end of the pilot. It involved a chainsaw and was very Sam Raimi-esque in its choreography
• Line of the Week: “Thanks for getting me all wet” – Tulip after getting baptized
• The mystery men Cassidy killed in the church clearly are in the know about this mystery space force that has possessed the preacher and attempted to get it out of him with a coffee can and some lullabies. This show can feel like a David Lynch movie at times
• The Great Jackie Earl Haley made an appearance as the head of the Quincannon Meat & Power Company. His whole seen was typical for the show as it felt mundane and surreal all at the same time. Similar to other things so far, the show hasn’t really explained what their relevance is to the broader story, but its compelling nonetheless

—Osyp Lebedowicz

[For Silicon Valley “To Build a Better Beta” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

HBO Summary:
To Build a Better Beta. Dinesh worries about his lack of friends; Monica considers how to deliver criticism.

“Build a Better Beta” is all about trust issues and feedback. It asks questions about how important both are; and the answers, while mixed, ring true for all the characters. The episode opens with Richard and Dinesh debating whether to launch the Pied Piper Beta. Dinesh wants to because it’ll ease the process of debugging for him if other people (Beta testers) provide feedback. Richard, always Mr. Cautious, says it’s not ready. But then he finds out Gilfoyle’s coder girlfriend already checked it out and thinks the Beta’s rad as-is. So, they send it out for a Beta test among people they know and trust. Thus, issues about trust abound. Gilfoyle trusts no one (the girlfriend thing was “just a transaction”) and thus offers his Beta invite codes to the rest of the team while, unsurprisingly, Jared easily has too many trusted friends to invite and ends up using Gilfoyle’s codes as well as his own.

Speaking of trust issues, thanks to Jared’s audit, Erlich finds out Big Head’s business manager embezzled Bachmanity money, supposedly allocating 70% for taxes and then moving it to pay his other clients. Turns out this is likely the “real reason” why they went broke so quickly. Although, at the rate they were burning through Big Head’s settlement, Bachmanity likely wouldn’t have lasted much longer. But there’s certainly no way to become profitable if you’re bleeding internally at a 70% rate. When confronted, the business manager admits he doesn’t actually have the money anymore and thus can’t really pay them back. This arouses the Erlich ire but only apologies from dumber-every-frickin-minute, Big Head.

The same sort of sham permeates the Hooli offices where the EndFrame team finds out through the grapevine that Pied Piper is already Beta testing. Because their team’s nowhere near ready to Beta test their compression app, the EndFrame engineers tell nobody this news. But Gavin finds out anyway because he surreptitiously reads “private” employee emails. Meanwhile Pied Piper gets loads of positive feedback from everybody in the Beta test except Monica, who’s dissatisfied but also insistent with Richard that her opinion isn’t as important as all the others. As the Pied Piper team then reviews who the other Beta testers are, they discover there’s a spy somehow infiltrating from the Hooli offices (Gavin) looking in on their Beta. Gavin brings the wonders of the Pied Piper Beta to the EndFrame and demands they deliver an even better version of it faster than PP can get theirs out to the public. The EndFrame engineers immediately realize it’s going to be an impossible project to catch up to PP; they just don’t have the goods. Meanwhile the Pied Piper team drops a giant poop emoji bomb into the spying Hooli account, destroying both Gavin’s personal laptop and phone. Afterward during the backlash from this confrontation and Gavin’s demands, the best EndFrame engineers quit on Gavin.

In the next scene Erlich and Big Head go to the District Attorney with a plan to sue their embezzling business manager. But instead of a case, they get a lecture series from the DA about how they’ll never get a sympathetic jury, being spoiled, rich, tech billionaires. Just give up is the basic feedback. To get their money, they’d have to legally seize it from the business manager’s other clients, who are essentially either victims themselves or innocent small business owners. As Bachman and Big Head leave, the DA tells Erlich he better pay all those vendor bills for his party or he can expect to be prosecuted by the DA office. Right after this he gets a call from the tech blog Bachmanity bought (in their brief heyday) because they’re doing a story on Erlich neglecting to pay the bills for their launch party. He’s getting smeared from all sides. Thus, Erlich scrapes the bottom of the barrel and makes a deal with Laurie for his Pied Piper shares so that he can pay those bills and clear his (and the Bachmanity) name. It’s the first time we’re seeing Erlich really respond to feedback with relevant behavior, almost as if he has a conscience. Is this character growth or merely a coverup? It’s hard to say until we see what Erlich does next but this could represent a potential shift away from his usual megalomania.

Despite her reservations about the Beta, Monica tells Richard to believe in it. There are always some people who just don’t get even the most successful apps, she says with humility. Unfortunately, it just so happens that this time the one who doesn’t get it is Richard’s biggest fan. Still, after their meeting with Laurie, the Pied Piper team decides to launch the Beta to the public and no longer just their select list of trusted friends. As they launch the Beta Monica says she’s “never been more excited to be proven wrong,” and we’re impressed with how much she means it. That girl’s a unicorn and hopefully Richard will soon realize how lucky he is to have her humble, helpful support.

Then Erlich gets a call from the Bachmanity tech blog saying they won’t do the story on Bachmanity’s unpaid bills after all because the party vendors have reportedly been paid now. He sadly watches the Beta launch knowing that he’s no longer able to benefit from the one undertaking he truly cared about. In fact, we see in Bachman’s face how much his heart was at stake with Pied Piper and now appears to be breaking at the loss.

Feedback really paid off for Richard and worked a catalyst for his confidence and courage to put Pied Piper out in the world. At the same time, feedback was a bitch for Bachman in this episode. Essentially, just as Pied Piper launches like a rocket into a potentially billion-dollar company, he’s lost his entire stake in it. Oblivious Richard pats broken-hearted Erlich on the shoulder as they stand side-by-side to watch the launch, “We did it. You and me, man, forever,” Richard says. But, thanks to his Bachmanity fountain of negative feedback, Erlich isn’t really feeling buddy-buddy with anyone anymore… Least of all himself. So, it’s a bittersweet launch and we’re excited to see the backlash next week as Gavin gets wind that he’s already lost the first battle of the compression application war. It’s unlikely he can get that $250 million back… but can he keep the war waging?

–Katherine Recap

[For Game of Thrones “The Broken Man” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

HBO Summary:
The Broken Man. The High Sparrow considers another target; Jaime confronts a hero; Arya makes a plan.

“The Broken Man” opens on an idyllic pastoral scene. People in a field of green raising a frame of wood. At first I thought it might be the Ironborn building one of the ships that they plan to pledge to the Mother of Dragons… But no. These people look way happy and this landscape is way too pleasant for the Iron Islands (or the frozen North in Winter).

We don’t recognize any of the players on this greenery, not unless you count Ian McShane — hard-swearing, vice-peddling, alum of some HBO Sunday nights past — until, oh shit IS THAT THE HOUND?

It turns out the Hound is alive!

Sandor Clegane was nursed back from grievous injury by McShane’s character; a Septon of the Seven named Brother Ray* … Presumably after his encounter with Brienne the Beauty.

Though she’s never front and center in “The Broken Man” Brienne’s memory (and her Valyrian steel sword) cast a tall shadow that bring us to my Top 8 badass women of “The Broken Man”:

I. Brienne of Tarth

Given the terror that the Hound’s name inspires in the Riverlands — and all the Seven Kingdoms — as the un-Knight, the Kingsguard, the vicious lapdog of a more vicious king, and the scarred kid brother of the Mountain… the warrior — in this case woman — who beat him must inherit a pretty badass reputation.

After seeing him swing an axe, Brother Ray asks Sandor how many men it took to take him down (the answer being one); and if only one, he must have been a monster (not even a “he” but Brienne). Badass.

II. Margaery Tyrell Lannister

When we see Margaery once again with the High Sparrow, we learn a lot about both in a typically compact span. We find out that Margaery hasn’t been intimate with young King Tommen since their reunion last episode… She just doesn’t feel the desires she once did any more. We also find out (perhaps predictably) that the High Sparrow doesn’t consider a woman’s desire is necessary for participation in the marital bed… “only her patience.”

Margaery seems completely mesmerized by the High Sparrow still, a far cry from the woman who pleaded for Loras to hold on to his resolve and sanity earlier in the season, but matters turn when the High Sparrow tells her that her grandmother, the Queen of Thorns, is an unrepentant sinner. The young Queen’s true allegiances quietly resurface when Margaery passes grandma a secret rose-note and a message to get the hell out of dodge; or rather, King’s Landing.

III. Olenna Tyrell, The Queen of Thorns

Speaking of grandma Tyrell — seeing that she is about to leave the mess that Cersei made and calls the capital of the Seven Kingdoms — we finally get to hear out loud what everyone else has been thinking since Season Two. Cersei is a stupid woman who has done nothing but make mistakes, handed King’s Landing to a fanatic army, brought low to ancient houses, and is probably the worst person Lady Olenna Tyrell has ever met.

Olenna expresses joy though, in seeing that Cersei has actually, finally, lost.

IV. Lyanna Mormont

As suggested in the last couple of episodes, Jon and Sansa hit the Kingsroad to drum up support for their neo-Stark anti-Bolton revolution. The first noble house they hit is the Mormonts… Who are led by a ten-year-old Lyanna (named for dead Ned’s sister, natch).

The diminutive Lady is a firecracker. Though she said that Bear Island knows no King but the King in the North (and his name is Stark) she points out that Jon is a Snow and Sansa is either a Bolton or a Lannister. She rejects the idea of being a “beauty” of any kind, noting that her loyal mother was a warrior; and though only ten, she thinks first, always, of the well being of her Bear Island subjects.

It is only the Onion Knight’s impassioned speech that sways young Lyanna. Her own Uncle Jeor — the former Lord Commander of the Kingsguard — chose Jon as his steward and heir back at the Wall; for the true battle is not between petty houses but between the living and the dead. And against that enemy, Jon is the man who can lead humanity to victory (and survival). For the living to stand against the undead they will need a united North, which is impossible if Bolton banners fly over Winterfell.

Lyanna is in!

After all her bluster Lady Mormont can offer only sixty-two fighting men (but she assures the Stark delegation they all fight like ten mainlanders apiece). The Onion Knight says that if they’re half as ferocious as their Lady, the Boltons are doomed.

We all hope so.

V. Sansa Stark Lannister Bolton Stark-I-Guess?

The next stop on the Jon and Sansa train is Glover. The previous Lord Glover died beside their brother Robb; and though he acknowledges the pledge Glover owes Stark, considers the true House Stark dead. Yes — Glover is supposed to come when Stark calls, but where was Stark when the Ironborn were toppling his castle? King Robb was off getting Glover’s brother killed and taking up with “a foreign whore”.

Sansa gets sternly up in Glover’s grill (to no avail); but she did it.

… And when Sansa realizes Jon has not nearly enough men to take Winterfell she does something more: She sends a letter (presumably to Littlefinger) for help. Curiouser and curiouser.

VI. Yara Greyjoy

We learn a bit of what kind of King of the Iron Islands Yara might have made in a brief scene between her and her brother Theon, across the Narrow Sea. Theon doesn’t know why they sailed to where they are… As Yara slaps the backside of a beautiful young woman (presumably a slave girl prostitute by her facial tattoo and state of undress). Why are they there? Because “nothing on the Iron Islands has an ass like that.”

Yara and her crew are on shore leave and she is going to enjoy herself before the trials to come. She knows Uncle Euron will be after them, but Yara plans to sail for Meereen and treat with Dany first. In the meantime? Recreation.

All across this episode we are left to wonder who the titular “broken man” is… Is it the Hound, living in a [doomed] pacifist community, himself running on hate? Is it Jon, who was dead, and now is accused of representing a dead family? Is it Jaime, separated from his family, a fighting man with no right hand? Is it the Blackfish, damning himself and his people to a lengthy siege against superior enemies, but defiant throughout? Or Lord Edmure Tully, who is paraded about, impotently, as a prisoner? In the end, I think that it is Theon… But that badass Yara goes a fair distance in un-breaking him.

VII. Arya Stark

Arya books passage on a ship back to the Seven Kingdoms… And looks good doing it. Arya has somehow not just a pocket full of money, but two pockets full.

Throughout Game of Thrones Arya is badass over and over again. I think her defining characteristic is adaptability. She trains herself to become a water dancer; when her dancing master falls, she becomes a self-sufficient runaway. She outsmarts a Faceless Man and knocks over a fortress almost all by herself. She travels the world at the side of one of the world’s most noted murderers, then joins a holy priesthood of murderers. All along the way she does what she needs to do to survive, thrive, and learn.

But when booking passage, we see a different Arya. The Arya we have been cheering for all these years succeeded (or at least survived) constantly on the brink of disaster. She didn’t know what she was doing most of the time; but here we see a rich girl, raised in a noble house, telling a merchant what to do because she can buy what she wants. This is a completely different side of Arya… Not unlike one of those rare moments when we get cheer for Bruce Wayne instead of Batman.

Our badass heroine takes one last look as the Braavos skyline, when…

VIII. The Waif

The Waif appears in guise of an old woman… So she can sneak up and stab Arya! The Waif stabs Arya repeatedly! But Arya jumps away into the river, admittedly a bloody mess. The foolish, foolish, Waif thinks herself victorious and walks away.

Arya stumbles around the streets of Braavos, bleeding everywhere (and no one helps)… But she’s still alive. And if there is one thing that a living Arya Stark has shown us, it’s adaptability. If she’s still breathing she will be as immovable as her Uncle Blackfish. You won this round, but watch out, Waif.

LOVE
MIKE

* “Named” but never called, I think; I found that in this Entertainment Weekly article; I can’t say I noticed him called that all ep, and IMDB didn’t know his name.

[For Penny Dreadful “This World is Our Hell” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

Showtime Summary:
This World is Our Hell. Hecate and Ethan struggle; Kaetany reveals a truth to Malcolm; Frankenstein succeeds with Hyde’s formula.

Two themes run through in this episode which works especially well because one of those themes is partners/duos. The other theme, wholly more Penny Dreadful, illustrates that monsters spawn monsters: violence breeds violence, and hatred can only make more hatred. This cycle continues to infinity if not for a break in the pattern and a brand of pattern interrupt this powerful can only be made by a saintly soul, a martyr to the tune of Joan of Arc (for instance) sacrificed for the sake of others. An ideal this pure can’t live in this episode because as the title states, we’re in Hell here. The characters are all flanked by thirsty demons crawling though the desert. In fact many of our heroes are thirsty demons themselves and we can hardly tell the difference anymore. Thus we find this episode teeming with said monsters, they’re paired up and ready to die for the sake of revenge – not a single one afraid of the Hell that awaits because they each believe their hellish mission can’t possibly get any worse. “This World is Our Hell” feels like the hilarious Far Side comic pictured here. They’re in Hell anyway… so, might as well make the most of it and take down their enemies. Difference is, the episode seriously lacks jocularity. Lucky for you, Fetchland doesn’t.

Frankenstein and Hyde – Lennon and McCartney

Innovators with a long history of working both together and apart, these two are mixologists with science and medicine the same way Lennon and McCartney made music. At the top of their field but always striving anyway to improve, they’re dead set on the impossible tasks of healing themselves through the process of creation. This duo struggles with inner demons and expresses their feelings in their work to benefit others in the hope of somehow fixing themselves. Meanwhile the impact they have on people with their work doesn’t just transform their human guinea pigs, it changes them too – forever. Lennon and McCartney created wondrous songs that forever changed the musical landscape of the world. Their songwriting blended Lennon’s poignance and rebellion with McCartney’s cheerful ingenuity making all that once seemed simple, even common somehow fresh and new. Our two medical marvels share similar traits. Frankenstein models Lennon to the core: moody and deep with major issues but obviously a genius who means well, he’s met his match with Hyde. Henry Hyde has that handsome directness and solid skill that matches his partner at every turn. They match up and are even stronger together. As the music of the Beatles unleashed a whole new world of sound, these two doctors break through the boundaries between life and death, good and evil, love and hate. Speaking of love, it seems inevitable that a woman will come between them exactly as history tells the story of The Beatles breakup.

Hecate and Ethan – Kermit and Piggy

Hecate’s relentless pursuit of Ethan, a creature quite different from herself, mirrors the indomitable adoration Miss Piggy has for her sweet froggy. Piggy basically wears Kermit’s resistance down over the years with constant pursuit; much like Hecate with Ethan. Kermit barely pays attention her for the longest time but eventually starts to see her charm and ends up falling for Piggy, even with all of her flaws clearly. This is the attraction trajectory for Ethan in this episode. Completely aware Hecate’s a demon witch with a mission to take him to Hell, he falls for her anyway. She asks, “Shall we unleash demons, thee and me?” and then at last Hecate gets the answer she’s been craving along with some hot-but-also-severely-dehydrated desert sex. Hecate and Ethan are both animals in their own way and mis-matched while also somehow perfect for each other just like Piggy and Kermit. For all of Miss Piggy’s vanity and diva violence, her charisma always shines through. She’s exciting and her confidence entices much like that political pork loin named Trump. Nobody can squelch Piggy’s self esteem and don’t we all wish we had just a strip of that bacony belief in ourselves? Humble and nervous Kermit certainly does and much like Ethan, he struggles to be his fullest self but this lady beside him helps with self-acceptance for she’s the Platonic ideal of such. Thanks to Hecate’s influence, Ethan is finally ready to face his furious father and just in time too because it’s goin’ down NOW.

Malcolm and Kaetany – Thelma and Louise

Just like Thelma and Louise, these two pursue an impossible mission. It’s suicide, really, to overcome a demon power much greater than themselves and all the while they maintain deeply ingrained personal vendettas mixed with painful memories and road trip challenges. As Thelma and Louise illustrates the struggle of women in society through an arduous road trip on the run, Malcolm and Kaetany enlighten the Penny Dreadful narrative with insight into the Apache struggle of the early American West with their hardship. Murray and Kaetany reek of emotional wreckage as they share their struggle stories. Malcolm feels guilty for all his trespasses against people of color against the backdrop of Kaetany’s tragic loss – the entire Apache nation. His people are gone. It turned us into monsters, he explains to Malcolm. The US Army sent five thousand soldiers to kill the last thirty nine Apache, overkill doesn’t even begin to describe this kind of cruelty. We see how this played out in the final scene as Ethan’s father replays the night the Apaches came and destroyed his family, one innocent victim at a time. In fact, the only family member they left alive was Ethan’s father, now filled with hatred and vengeance – a monster in his own right. He says looking at Malcolm is like “looking in the mirror” and can’t understand how Murray can ride next to Kaetany who he calls “an animal”. But what about Kaetany? That snakebite Hecate unleashed was a killer, no? It doesn’t seem so from the preview clips for next week where we see Kaetany kicking ass once again. He’s magical, that man. And, not to get too technical, but we’re all animals, Mr. Talbot – you included. So, this duo haven’t driven off the cliff Thelma and Louise style quite yet but it seems inevitable at the rate they’re going.

Bartholomew Rusk and The Marshal – Benson and Stabler

The two detectives, the New Mexico Marshal and Rusk, the Scotland Yard investogator who took Ethan to New Mexico for “justice”, have finally proven themselves worthy of recapping in their own right, old school Law and Order SVU style. In this episode Rusk finally talks about his own history rather than just Ethan, Ethan, Ethan and capturing Ethan. Thus he’s finally a character unto himself. It is their unified goal to locate Ethan and bring him to justice but they’re also increasingly aware more is going on than just simple criminality. In the last episode Scotland Yard asked The Marshal if he knew anything of the occult. When The Marshal replied no Rusk suggests he look into it… Now in this hellish episode the desert is getting to everyone and Rusk disavows the oath to follow the law and says he’ll shoot Ethan in the back and butcher all of his kind. This guy’s goin’ rogue and, of course, it’s just when we’re starting to like him. He’s the Stabler of the duo, full of rage and defiance, while The Marshal is Benson, all empathy and reason. These are the two most typical reactions people have to horrific crimes and simply summarize why the Benson and Stabler dynamic worked so well for those first twelve seasons of SVU. We see how chasing a monster has turned Rusk into his own version of a monster and how all those in pursuit of Ethan begin to share his qualities. It’s as if merely seeking him out arouses the demon inside them, implying that maybe to catch a monster one must become one, even if temporarily. The only exception to this is, of course, the glorious Olivia Benson an no mere mortal can live up to that ideal, except maybe taylor Swift’s cat.

Much of the episode revolves around the dry expanse of desert where Ethan and Hecate struggle to survive as the other two duos, Malcolm & Kaetany and Rusk & The Marshal hunt for them. There’s a brief stint in the bowels of Bedlam as Frankenstein and Hyde discover that electricity really is the missing ingredient for relieving inner demons but even that feels like a dry run. For both Ethan and Malcolm the episode ends in confrontations with Ethan’s actual father while Hecate tries to sleep in a bed surrounded by terrifying antique dolls. Even a demon can get creeped out with those glass-eyed monstrosities haunting their dreams. Just like Miss Piggy would struggle to sleep with a pea under her mattress, Hecate lies awake and bothered. She needs Kermit and we can tell that this demon doesn’t like feeling needy. Not one bit.

 

–Katherine Recap