[For The Jim Gaffigan Show‘s “The Bible” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

TVLand Summary:
The Bible. After picking up a large Bible for Jeannie on the way to a show, the paparazzi photographs Jim.

On the way out the door to the comedy club, Jeannie asks Jim to swing by the church and pick up a gift from Father Nicholas. It’s a Bible the Pope blessed, a gargantuan book – biblical proportions, really – with shiny gold page tips. Jim has it on his lap sitting at the bar in the next scene at the club while he guffaws at Chris Rock’s naughty jokes. Then leaving the club a fan asks for a picture with Jim while he still holds the ginormous Bible under his arm. This picture ends up on the front page of HuffPo the next morning with a story about how Jim Gaffigan refuses to be “ashamed of his Catholicism.” His phone rings right after this revelation and let it be known that thus the Gaffigans are now invited to the White House’s annual prayer breakfast.

After his next show the following day, Jim’s approached by a pizza corporation looking for a spokesperson that “represents their values.” It’s a dream come true, a million bucks and all he has to do is represent values like church and family… ahem, and hating gays. Yikes. That last part sends Jim away – none the richer. But on the bright side, suddenly Jim has become THE celebrity Catholic overnight; Joel Osteen wants to take him to dinner, Richard Hawkins wants to debate him, and he even gets to make an appearance on The Daily Show. Unfortunately, Jim decides to try to “set this whole bible story straight” in the John Stewart interview. He calls his wife a Shiite Catholic, mentions that he’d asked for a garbage bag to hide the bible, and thus loses the love of all those pious red-blooded ‘Mericans in a mere two minutes of allegedly explaining himself. The Gaffigans are then uninvited to the White House, he loses a commercial he’d just booked, and uh oh, the phone’s ringing again…

The media goes tasmanian devil on Jim and he’s retreats to bed and wallows slugstyle in his own rapid deterioration of channel flipping. Even Telemundo channel is gossiping about him. His BFF, Dave gets on Rachel Maddow and deflects questions but does use the opportunity to promote his next couple shows. There’s even a rumor growing that Jim’s having an affair with his nemesis, Daniel the real estate broker and Jeannie’s best friend. “The real victim here is Jeannie,” Nancy Grace explains for us all with her usual black and white lack-of-logic. Just as his shame spiral is about to annihilate Jim’s will to live, he enters the denial stage of the grief process and decides to pretend none of this is happening – shake it off, baby. Dust off a donut and go. Jim puts on his trusty comedy cardigan and heads out to do a set at Gotham Comedy club. It actually seems like this could be working for awhile until… the crowd at Gotham turns on him. Then he’s running from the club and into the streets filled with angry mobs holding up various hateful anti-Jim signs, pitchforks, and torches. It’s a witch hunt and Jim’s the one in the pointy hat this time. The clutches of ferocious NYC groupthink villagers descend upon Jim as he backs into an alley corner, certain death and Jim-on-a-stick seems inevitably next.

But then the story shifts, the screen fuzzes a bit, and we find out the episode was all just the fantastical imaginations Jim concocted in the process of answering Jeannie’s request to pick up the Bible in the very first scene. It was all a dream – a mere vision of what could-have-been. So, Gaffigan just tells her he hasn’t got time to pick up the Bible and then leaves the apartment, whistling down the sidewalk to the club, free and unfettered. Ironically, it was the Bible that’s got him feeling grateful and happy. If it wasn’t for the good book, after all, Jim wouldn’t be so happy about not picking it up and thus avoiding the whole spectre of his own personal inferno.

Funny thing about this episode is the perfectly Trumpean timing to it. The story of a celebrity embroiled in controversy about making thoughtless remarks and thus throwing a media sh!*storm into the fan of public opinion. But here on The Jim Gaffigan Show we see the other side of such consequences – here in this TvLand it happens to a man who doesn’t get off on that kind of attention. Truth is that if all the events of this episode really transpired for Gaffigan he would sell so many books, iTunes bits, and merchandise that Jim could become whatever eccentric millionaire dude he liked. In fact, just taking that pizza sponsor deal was the beginning of just such a possible outcome for him. But Jim Gaffigan is a real person just like us, not some cartoon character crazy billionaire who lives for limelight; then will say anything to stay spotlit… and that’s exactly what we love about him.

–Katherine Recap

Lots of Fetchland readers already subscribe to services like Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu Plus, or even Marvel Unlimited.

… Which begs the question: When you have access to an almost limitless plethora of entertainment options, which ones should you pick?

“What’s Free Wednesday” is a weekly Fetchland feature spotlighting something great to read or watch available on one or more entertainment services. “Free” once you’ve paid for it, if you grok 🙂

Damages

Free on:

• Netflix

I binge watched Damages before House of Cards made binge watching a thing. That was because I didn’t hear about it until the show was only available either on DirectTV or iTunes. It gripped me so tightly I would download it on my iphone and watch it on the subway commute with headphones. Because I always use subtitles when I watch stuff, I made lots of friends with my Damages episodes on the train. The people sitting on either side of me couldn’t help themselves and read the subtitles over my shoulder. We watched the thrilling escapades and gasped together while a multitude of shocking events transpired on my tiny screen, a trio of strangers on the train. Damages, above all its many fine qualities, is one of those shows that just grabs you and doesn’t let go.

Damages was truly groundbreaking. It forged the pathway for women characters of substance and contradiction like Diane Lockhart on The Good Wife and Carrie Mathison on Homeland. This was thanks to the character Patty Hewes, the iconic cutthroat lawyer with an iron will and an empty cavern in her chest where a heart may have once beaten. Played by Glenn Close, Ms. Hewes terrifies all she encounters and for good reason; she mainly fights the monsters of our modern world, the Madoffs, the toxic waste creators, the mafia, and corporate malfeasance as a rule. Each season of the show is set on a single high stakes lawsuit and delves into perpetrator attempts to cover up the very same truths Patty is continually uncovering. But the real dirt flies on the sidelines in Patty’s life and those of her firm’s associates, especially Ellen played by Rose Byrne and Tom, Tate Donovan. There are just as many thrills in their private lives: murder, sex, drugs, bribery, and pretty much every other illicit act one can imagine.

All four* seasons enthrall equally with their non-linear storytelling that teases you at episode onset and pulls you into the thrill of the story. Amazing and complex characters make it all feel real. Not just Glenn Close as Patty Hewes but phenomenal actors such as Ted Danson, Lily Tomlin, Timothy Olyphant, Marcia Gay Harden, William Hurt, John Goodman and many more bring thrills, shame, and mischief to life in every second of the the action. It’s riveting stuff that reaches deep into what makes people tick – namely those seven sins you’ve heard so much about. Everybody has secrets and it’s all interwoven so expertly with legal cases “ripped from the headlines” that it feels familiar while still shocking and amazing at every plot turn. Most of the time you won’t know who to root for because everybody takes their turn at villainy and they’ve all got a sad story in their sack labeled “personal history.” You’ll feel lots of things for the characters, Patty Hewes most of all. Her smiles are malicious nails in the coffins of her enemies… and sometimes her closest allies.

Here’s a rundown of each season’s raison d’etre but please keep in mind that they are all smashing good times that will break your heart, force you to question your stance on various ethical issues, and all the while keep you glued to the screen:

1. Season one appears at first light to tell Bernie Madoff’s story until you notice that it aired before he was even caught. It’s more about insider trading and similar scumbaggery all wrapped up in a burrito of prostitutes and blow after a stunning amuse bouche of murder. Ted Danson stays with you long after the season is over as the unforgettable narcissistic douchebag, Arthur Frobisher.
2. Season two is about a corporation dumping toxic waste into lakes in the South and it’s so exceptional you’ll feel the same thrall and intensity you got watching movies like The Insider and Michael Clayton. William Hurt and Marcia Gay Harden compel and repel each other and the audience as labyrinthine characters skirting between secrets and lies at every twist of the spiraling plot.
3. Season three tackles the Madoff story, changing critical elements while retaining the resonant core of the tale’s stinging truth. Martin Short and Lily Tomlin turn the stomach and compel in their creepiness as two of those left behind when the Madoff character kills himself the night before he goes to prison. This season devastates in an entirely new way when a major character gets killed off and it turns out they were one of the ruined victims of Madoff’s machinations.
4. Season four enters the political sphere taking us to Afghanistan with a company called High Star, eerily reminiscent of Halliburton and war vets with issues up the wazoo. An exceptional John Goodman plays a CEO who fancies himself a terrorist eradicator and part time preacher, imparting the words of Jesus while he orders torture in tandem. Meanwhile the Damages regulars engage in fresh new transgressions and boundary breaches with such dramatic acumen we can’t help but forgive Rose Byrne for the horrendous bangs she sports all season.

* The first four seasons are thrilling and free on Netflix but if you want to see season five with the series finale you gotta shell out $25 on iTunes or amazon.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Hard Out There For a Pimp” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Hard Out There For a Pimp Johnny sets Gigi up with a boy her own age; Bam and Rehab come up with a new music genre.

Rehab and Bam, The Assassins bassist and drummer, open the episode by asking for a more even split of profits for the band – just like in U2, where each of the five members get 25%. Never even mind the math, nobody likes the idea based on the mere thought of all things being equal. Johnny challenges them to name the bass player and drummer of U2 and when they can’t the whole topic gets permanently dropped.

Then Gigi, Ava, and Johnny walk home late night dancing and Gigi’s complaining that Flash never goes out with them – he’s such a fossil who’s always tired after gigs. Johnny agrees. He wants her with a younger boyfriend. Also, he doesn’t want to hear blowjob stories about her and Flash either. She’s his daughter, remember?

Later the band’s talking to their manager before a gig and they see Jim, singer in a Normcore duo. Normcore means they dress like they’re headed to a mall in Ohio. Then in a bit while Gigi’s performing with The Assassins onstage Johnny tells the Jim he should ask Gigi out. For the sake of reverse psychology he then tells Gigi that Jim seems like a douche and his band sucks. Voila! His machinations are like rock n’ roll sorcery, just call him Johnny Machiavelli.

Meanwhile Rehab and Bam are inspired by the Normcore duo and decide to form their own band of two members. Why not? They’re not getting their fair share, they don’t even get to have real names, and nobody knows who they are. Looks like a clear case of nothing to lose. Rehab’s big idea for their duo it to just make noises with no lyrics – John Lee hooker meets Marlee Matlin. They’re inventing Beast Core music: driving bass, drums, gutteral grunts and groans, roars, camels, whales – a whole new genre of sound – a movement.

Flash then confronts Johnny accusing that he hooked Gigi up with that Normcore guy – he’s aware of the dastardly plan. Then he calls her for the 47th time and it turns out she is with Jim and they’re buying boring clothes together. They montage dating activities together, including blow which Jim snorts and Gigi ignores in lieu of looking in the line mirror. The next morning their manager warns them that Jim is a lot like Johnny. His Normcore band used to have four members but he slept with the other two’s girlfriends, he does too many drugs and drinks heavily, etc. Nobody believes how much they’re alike until Jim comes out of Gigi’s bedroom and reenacts the exact morning routine Johnny just did. Then everyone’s grossed out that Gigi just basically slept with a younger version of her Dad. Ew.

The miracle transition has finally happened for Johnny and he’s suddenly completely OK with Gigi and Flash as a couple – banging and all. It’s a happy ending for Rehab and Bam as well, their new duo got a standing ovation performing their brand new Beast Core music at the club – musta been those lemur mating calls in the second song.

This episode represents groundbreaking change for Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll because it’s a major emotional shift for Johnny into acceptance of Gigi’s relationship with Flash. Sure, he’s made changes before, even tattooing his asscheeks for the girl, but this one’s particularly deep and meaningful. It means the band’s not only even more a family now, but all the more screwed up too. If only they can get Bam and Rehab back to complete their dysfunctional circle of music… But it’s gonna be tough convincing them to return now that they’re finding some success on their own with Beast Core making animal sounds all over town.

–Katherine Recap

[For The Jim Gaffigan Show‘s “Superdad” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

TVLand Summary:
Superdad. A magazine calls Jim a “superdad”, and Jeannie is happy for him.

Time Out New York magazine features Jim on the cover this week – calling him SUPERDAD! The article sings his praises without mentioning Jeannie’s name. Instead it names all five kids but merely mentions that Jim also lives with his wife, though it’s an article about parenting and Jeannie does 90% of the work. Still, Jeannie’s genuinely happy for Jim, beaming and looking through the article. She’s proud of him for making the cover. Jim’s BFF, Dave is more envious than proud, though. At Katz’s, their usual lunch spot, Dave tells Jim being a Dad makes him the “human equivalent of cargo shorts.” In other words, he’s mainstream, bland and boring stuff, whereas Dave’s clearly edgier with a more niche audience. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have someone from Radiohead buy you lunch?” Jim retorts.

At school curriculum night that evening the headmaster calls out Jim and Jeannie as stellar parents to the whole class – holding up the magazine as evidence. But the classroom teacher, Janeane Garafolo, lets Jim know she’s onto him. She knows what he’s up to, though Jim doesn’t seem to be aware of his crime and all signs seem to point to Jim mainly being up to having an extra snack or two… or fifteen. But at this school the fact that his snacks aren’t organic might just qualify as criminal.

That night after their standup set Dave and Jim unwind their rage on each other and have a sarcastic snarkfest of a fight outside the subway. They shout and accuse each other of being jealous, then each criticize elements of the other’s pathetic existence – cutting a bit too deep in both cases. Can their mutual love of smoked meats piled to the ceiling between slices of rye bread save this now tenuous friendship?

It’s Jeannie’s turn to get a little miffed the next morning when Father Nicholas completely absolves Jim of going to church and then has her take a picture of the two of them cheek to cheek. Church is her thing! She’s the one Jesus loves the most! Jeannie says nothing but her face speaks grandiloquently on her behalf. Then Daniel awaits the Gaffigans at their apartment where he reluctantly lets Jim know the 92nd St Y wants him to give a talk about parenting “because Uma has some movie to do or something.” But when Jeannie joins them Jim throws a curveball into the conversation and tells Jeannie the 92nd St Y actually wants HER to give the talk and then she lights up from her aforementioned funk – a woman with a mission – ready to roll.

Next thing Jeannie’s onstage at the 92nd St Y, looking amazing in front of a giant screen with Jim’s face on it. The host keeps showing clips of Jim doing standup to roars of audience applause and then asking Jeannie things like, “How did YOU snag Jim Gaffigan?” At first Jeannie can’t help but be honest and say that Jim’s actually not all that when it comes to parenting. But it keeps backfiring on her with audience disapproval until finally she succumbs to the Gaffigan groupthink brain wash and gushes about how he took out the trash that time. At last, Jeannie gets the audience on her side.

Meanwhile, backlit with the light shining from their respective TV sets, Jim and Dave make up nice like the good buddies they are over the phone – each horizontal in bed and late night snacking. Then Jeannie gets home from her 92nd St Y “talk” where nobody really wanted to hear what she had to say and finds Jim’s been in bed all night watching the game and drinking beer. No, he doesn’t know when the nanny left but he’s bereft about the Bugles snacks Jeannie promised and then neglected to buy for him – they really would have been great to eat during the game. Something inside Jeannie snaps just then and she rips up the Superdad copy of Time Out New York. When Jim hears her gutteral roar he comes running out of the bedroom, perhaps expecting a lion or gorilla from the sound of it. Jim sees his magazine cover in tatters littering the kitchen floor and Jeannie blames it on the kids.

Then Jeannie tells Jim she’s not jealous of how he has to get up in front of audiences all the time. That audience at the 92nd St Y turned on her, she explains, and she’s just not that needy of mass approval or into such roller coasters of emotion. Jeannie says she doesn’t even want to be on the cover of a magazine – it’s not real. But being a mom, that’s real stuff. Jim comforts Jeannie saying he knows she does everything and he’s a fraud – not really Superdad. After which Jim comforts their crying baby and even takes out the trash… but this time he locks himself out on the sidewalk in his undies. Just like in life, this is the best stuff about The Jim Gaffigan Show, the real stuff.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Supercalifragilisticjuliefriggingandrews” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Supercalifragilisticjuliefriggingandrews Gigi meets Johnny’s mom and finds out why Mary Poppins ruined her career in show business.

Johnny’s mom, Elizabeth, calls to notify him she’s dying of cancer and thus, she’s decided to really live these last few months of life to the fullest. So, Elizabeth’s getting married and wants Johnny’s band to play the wedding all gussied up in 70s attire. This gives him the opportunity to tell his mom about her grandchild – Gigi. Elizabeth’s even more excited about his band playing the wedding after googling Gigi and finding out, “She’s gorgeous!” Johnny tells Gigi her grandma has cancer and she expresses how awful that is so he replies, “You haven’t met her yet.”

The band congregates to explain to Gigi why Johnny hates his mom. Turns out he was the reason Elizabeth had to give up her best opportunity, playing Mary Poppins, because she was pregnant with Johnny. She then left his Dad for leaving showbiz to become a doctor and took Johnny on her failure after failure chase for stardom down the back alleys of Broadway. Johnny never got over it and we see where he gets that trait because Elizabeth’s still hella bitter toward Julie Andrews. In fact, it turns out she’s pretty angry with Johnny about it too and Gigi gives her a bit of the bitch right back when she sees this flare up.

At the reception Johnny wrote a special song for his mother and when the band plays it’s an awakening to the room that Gigi’s a spectacular performer. Johnny’s song “Put it on Me” isn’t just a hit with the crowd, it even suits the seventies theme and shows off Gigi’s special gift. Instead of appreciating it, though, Elizabeth takes a stage nearby and has the spotlight transferred to her just when the applause should have been starting for Gigi. She can’t stand to be out of attention’s center, even for her granddaughter to shine. When we hear Elizabeth sing we realize that maybe Johnny’s Dad was right about her not losing the part to Julie Andrews because of baby Johnny… maybe she just wasn’t a good enough singer.

Truths are tumbling out at this point and Elizabeth is such a junkie for all eyes on her that it turns out she doesn’t even have cancer. It was just a ploy to get Johnny to drop everything and suit up 70s style for free in her wedding reception. This news along with her insistence upon mispronouncing Ava’s name time after time bring an aha moment in the last bit of the episode that wait-a-minute, Johnny doesn’t hate her because of his childhood… maybe it’s because she’s just AWFUL. Period. On the bright side, Johnny’s Dad, Captain Serious, is a cool cat who plays tenor sax and, we learn in this episode, has already developed a warm, loving bond with Gigi.

There are funny sexploit subplots in this episode; Flash gets an ass grabbing from Elizabeth’s brand new husband, Bam Bam does sexual favors for barbeque, and Rehab goes to the geriatric boneyard. These scintillating asides coupled with amazing costumes and a plethora of Billy Joel jokes make for a particularly sparkly fun ride in this episode of Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll especially with the family fireworks crackling throughout.

–Katherine Recap

[For The Jim Gaffigan Show‘s “My Friend the Priest” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

TVLand Summary:
My Friend the Priest. When Jim is finally invited to do “The Tonight Show,” Jeannie invites Father Nicholas.

Jim finds out he’s finally booked his dream gig on Jimmy Fallon’s The Tonight Show and immediately tells his best buddy, Dave who tries to place what show that is.
“Struggling a bit, right?” says Dave after pretending not to know who’s been hosting it lately. “Huge among every demographic except my bitter friends,” Jim replies. As Gaffigan leaves disgruntled Dave behind on the sidewalk he spies Father Nicholas nearby and crosses the street to avoid him. Unfortunately Father Nicholas also has crossing the street privileges and he really wants to talk to Jim. Then it turns out he’s coming to dinner – oh joy.

“I’m not interested in a bromance with a member of the clergy,” Jim attempts to explain to baffled Jeannie after she’s just gone on about how normal and everyday a person Father Nicholas is. We’ve all been in this boat where we just don’t click with the the other guy in there but he’s got the steering wheel and access to all the life preservers… such a fun day at sea. And for Jim, it’s truly a never ending showboat of an episode.

Next thing Jim knows “weird” Father Nicholas tags along to his gig that night and his mere priestly presence shuts the laughs down. All comics seem to agree that priests are audience poison. It’s apparently a universal truth – a Platonic ideal, if you will, of toxic comedy sets. So, inevitably, Jim gets the dreaded news the next day just as he’s leaving for the dream gig. Father Nicholas will be joining him on set at “The Tonight Show” and there’s nothing Jim can do about it.

Father Nicholas glows with a beaming naive sincerity through the halls of NBC. He grins and introduces himself to everyone as “famous comedian, Jim Gaffigan’s priest” then makes so many friends that by showtime he’s playing tambourine with the Roots. Father Nicholas ends up playing ping pong with Julianne Moore and the seemingly ever-present-on-The-Jim-Gaffigan-Show-these-days Macaulay Culkin. Jimmy and the audience adore having him on the show so much that Father Nicholas ends up bumping the last guest. Yes, that’s Jim, watching it all from his sad sack green room with his resident sidekick, Bitter Dave. The episode ends on Macaulay Culkin asking Father Nicholas who Jim Gaffigan is – indeed.

Kudos to The Jim Gaffigan Show’s Tongayi Chirisa. The actor playing Father Nicholas nails his character’s awkward sincerity so perfectly that he doesn’t just steal “The Tonight Show” from Jim… Chirisa slips in lines with comedic ease, like when Dave and Jim are fighting bombastic and he gleefully says, “You comedians are so funny all the time. It is very enjoyable!” He maintains a stilted manner that serves his character while remaining completely real and believable in sincere emotional moments like when he thanks Jim for bringing him to Jimmy Fallon and, for just one fleeting flicker of a moment, touches the Gaffigan heart buried deep beneath all those food jokes.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Tattoo You” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Tattoo You Gigi asks Johnny to get a tattoo of her name as a sign of true fatherly commitment.

As this episode of Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll begins Gigi shares her new bicep tattoo of Johnny’s name in red but he’s not appropriately grateful. All Johnny can think is needles needles needles which he hates – so it musta hurt. When Johnny starts to shift and say it’s kinda cool all of a sudden Gigi’s mother, Cat, is at their door – finally revealed! She loves Gigi’s tattoo and asks why Johnny doesn’t have a Gigi tattoo. Cat has one on her wrist that she got on the way home from the hospital after giving birth to Gigi.

When Cat pulls a cigarette out of her bag, revealing her waist, they all spy a tattoo on her hip. It’s Flash’s lightning bolt symbol, apparently indicating that Gigi’s mom already slept with him. Uh oh. Gigi pulls Cat into a back bedroom to accuse her of muffblocking – it’s kinda like cockblocking but for ladies. She’s outraged that Cat is trying to keep her from sleeping with Flash. It’s gotta be a brand new tattoo just for her sake! Then she calls Cat a bitch as her mother leaves in a sweep of black leather and hotness saying that she’s just trying to save the band.. Gigi immediately calls Flash and confronts him but he claims Cat and he only ever just fooled around. They didn’t sleep together. This is oh so very comforting to Gigi who advises Flash not to allow himself to get spellbound and Titnotized by Cat, “Watch out for ‘em!”

Then Gigi’s mom joins the band for rehearsal at the studio and plays them a song she wrote. Flash spontaneously pitches in, snuggling up next to Cat on the piano bench and singing cheek to cheek. Gigi huffily takes him out to the hallway where Flash says having her mom around does make him think maybe Gigi’s too young for him. BUT he had a “sack jack” – surgical ballsack tightening – so he’s not so old in a physical way and also, yeah, he’s attracted to Cat. Here we catch the first glimpse of the Johnny genes in Gigi when she thrashes an amp to bits with a guitar. Bad but undeniably rad, Gigi’s officially a rockstar.

Ava and Gigi’s mom have a bonding session. Cat sadly says that Gigi is her song and Ava’s getting all the royalties. This is especially poignant because Cat actually is a famous songwriter. She just sold a song to Sheryl Crow and even if she lives in Ohio she’s the real deal in the music world – Cat knows the biz. So, that’s why Gigi has so much money!

Johnny finally agrees to get Gigi’s name tattooed on his butt and then throws in Ava’s name on the other cheek because, hey, she’s earned it over the years.. Cat and Flash sing together in the studio so she can remind him of their attraction. But then he ignores that boner to go and get Gigi’s name tattooed on his behind anyway. Yes, it covers up the regrettable Gaga tattoo he got when he was crushing on his former boss… But at least it’s a real one, unlike the Johnny tattoo Gigi has on her bicep. That one gets smudged by Cat when she hugs Gigi goodbye after deciding her job here in HeathenTown is done.

Now Johnny’s sad that it turns out Gigi just got a temp henna one while he got a real tattoo. Gigi explains that she was afraid to commit and needs more time to see their father/daughter bond grow. He rose to the test, yes but she’s really only ready to get a flaming dice tattoo on her lower hip right now. “Those are a lot of flames,” Johnny says, looking at the picture she shows him of her potential tat. We can almost see the flames rising around him as Johnny starts to experience the first pangs of what parenthood is really like.

This episode rocks a double dose of the usually singular parenting theme but stays funny and sexy still. In this sixth episode we’re starting to see cracks in the blossoming romance between Flash and Gigi while at the same time she’s finally admitting to doubts about her connection with Johnny. So, the honeymoon phase of Gigi and the band is officially over. The bloom’s off the rock n’ roll rose but thanks goodness the jokes keep rolling forth and every new character introduced is cooler than the last. Cat went back to Ohio but here’s hoping she shows up again this season because that double dose of parenthood really hit the spot under her cultivated care.

–Katherine Recap

[For The Jim Gaffigan Show‘s “Go Shorty, It’s Your Birthday” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

TVLand Summary:
Go Shorty, It’s Your Birthday. Jim celebrates Dave’s birthday instead of Jeannie’s, and Jeannie gets upset.

It’s Jeannie’s birthday and she says she doesn’t want anything. This is a sitcom, after all, so it appears that Jim’s biggest problem may just be that he believes her when she says this, though Jeannie seems sincere. The episode synopsis also seems to indicate this plot trajectory. So, strap yourself in for a hilarious birthday carnival ride. There’s a lot of funny here tonight.

Jim meets his BFF for their usual lunch at Katz’s and it turns out Dave shares a birthday with Jeannie. It’s a two birthday day for Jim! He’s dealing with opposites, though. Dave certainly does want a present and it turns out John Varvatos is having a sale! He also wants a party and isn’t shy about that either. After lunch Dave calls Jim over and over in seemingly two minute increments to ask about the party though Gaffigan keeps telling him nothing’s gonna happen on Jim’s account. Eventually Dave just ends up planning his own party in the Bowery Ballroom basement and inviting Jim. “No gifts! OK, well if you insist,” Dave says, not taking a breath between sentences.

The Gaffigan nanny, Blanca, brings a Dora pinata and birthday card for Jeannie when she comes to work that morning. But Blanca finds out quick that Jeannie really wants to pretend it’s not her birthday. So, they end up pretending it’s Blanca’s birthday for the sake of the kids, who pound Dora to smithereens until she’s just a giant head on a stick like a mammoth cartoon lollipop. This pushoff of her “special day” onto Blanca is an indication that Jeannie just might be sincere in her desire to pretend her birthday isn’t happening. She reinforces this antipathy of her own birthday later in the kitchen with Jim saying if he goes to Dave’s party she can more easily pretend it’s not her birthday, so he should go. Again Jim takes her at her word.

Then Daniel shows them an apartment – which Jeannie hates like always. While she’s out of the room, Daniel advises Jim to get Jeannie a gift. Daniel tells him to “Stop being the cliché of the fat ugly guy who knows nothing.” He lists a bunch of things Jeannie would love including a Cartier tank watch. Daniel knows the perfect guy to buy it from and gives Jim the info. So, Gaffigan buys it. But then when he gets home with it Jeannie asks if he “went against her wishes and got her a present.” So, Jim realizes she probably means it and decides not to give her the watch. Then Daniel sweeps in with sticky fingers and gives her that exact watch (literally taking it out of Jim’s hand) for a giftie and she LOVES it. On his way out, Daniel whispers that Jim wasn’t going to give Jeannie the watch anyway, was he? Grumble Grumble. Maybe. Possibly, OK, no. He also reassures Jim he’ll reimburse him the dinero for the present.

Dave’s birthday party bursts with tons of funny jokes and famous comics including Colin Quinn, underage girls that need rides home to Jersey, and Macaulay Culkin making yet another guest appearance. Fab one liners are dropping like it’s hot every second at the party where champagne is $100 a glass and it’s open bar – so partaking’s aplenty. On his way out Jim says goodbye to his glum birthday boy friend and finds out he’s also expecting Jim to pay for this lavish bash. Then Dave says, “This party sucked and you know what that means… the whole year’s gonna suck,” to which Jim replies, “Hey, look on the bright side. At least you’re not superstitious,” – just one of the many hilarious jokes in a fantastically fun scene.

But then Jeannie ends up bummed out at bedtime, a real crankypants McGee. Turns out, though, that it’s not because Jim didn’t get anything for her, though the episode synopsis would have us all expecting that requisite ending. No. She’s upset because her birthday signifies that they’re getting older and one day the kids will grow up and she’ll die and he’ll die… etc. It’s real truth time in the marital bed and thus on TVLand too. Then Jim cheers up his tearful wife with plans for his hilarious funeral and makes Jeannie laugh so much she forgets how sad she was. So, Jim gave Jeannie what she really needed for her birthday, a laugh.

It’s awesome that Jeannie really meant what she was saying about ignoring her birthday all along and somehow also perfect that the TV synopsis urges the audience toward a false inevitable conclusion. These things make it all the more an awakening at the end when we’re refreshed by a new way of ending this familiar tale of womanly birthday woe. The fresh and thoughtful writing on Go Shorty, It’s Your Birthday is exactly the antidote sitcoms need right now. This isn’t the same old BS sitcomland where women are manipulative beyotches that say they want one thing but really want another… and isn’t it freaking hilarious? Actually no, it’s hackneyed, boring, and misogynist to boot. And not all women are hypocrites, especially not Jeannie. She doesn’t want to die – just like the rest of us. Jeannie’s got real feelings and fears as if she were an actual human and not just some lame sitcom paper doll who wants one thing and says another. Fist pump to the Gaffigan crew for some uproarious jokes in this one too. This episode was yet another home run for The Jim Gaffigan Show.

–Katherine Recap

Fall TV season is almost upon us and for the first time in more than half a decade I am looking forward to the season premiere of The Good Wife after my wife and I completely devoured six seasons on Amazon Prime. Both the lovely KDM and myself had long dismissed the show despite the loud protestations from advocates for Julianna Margulies and partners. While there is plenty of old and new television looming on the horizon there has been some great summer fare to give my DVR something to do before we get into the Fall months of recording conflicts.

Hannibal: Red Dragon

Anyone who follows me on Twitter knows that I have been a staunch advocate for this show since it started airing three seasons ago. At the time I was terrified it would be cancelled before the only hate-watchable The Following that starting airing during the same year. I won’t even get that much out of the show as the last handful of episodes are playing out on NBC over the next couple of weeks. In the end Joe Carroll got more episodes than Hannibal Lecter (although both shows are in streaming limbo for a potential fourth season) and while it is not on the same level of depravity as making Osso Bucco from the shanks of your enemies it is still a crime.

The last six episodes of this season are taken from Red Dragon, the first Thomas Harris book to introduce us to Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecter. It is an odd departure from the first two and a half seasons of the show which all served as preamble to Lecter’s capture and Will Graham’s pursuit of The Great Red Dragon aka Francis Dolarhyde. The story has been told twice before in movies; once with Bryan Cox playing Lecter in Manhunter and the second time with Academy Award winner Anthony Hopkins reprising his role from Silence of the Lambs.

So far this has been my favorite of the three adaptations and — and this is going to be heretical to many — Mads Mikkelsen has ascended to the top spot of the three men to portray Lecter. In all his previous incarnations we only get to meet Lecter in prison first and are told his backstory. Seeing the backstory play out and building up the relationship between Will Graham and Dr. Lecter makes their consulting scenes in the asylum much more chilling.

What has been shocking about this final act of the show is how faithful it has been to the source material. The episodes leading up to this last half season have played fast and loose with the timeline for Lecter. They have taken elements of Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, and Hannibal Rising and strewn them about the build up to Lecter’s apprehension and incarceration. Once we arrive in the attic of Dolarhyde’s childhood home and the Red Dragon arc begins there is very little deviation. The trajectory of several characters in the earlier episodes leads to divergence in these remaining few; a rather arch Dr. Alana Bloom running the asylum being the most notable displacement of the book’s characters.

There is a nod to some of the differences when Hannibal won’t reveal how he and Dolarhyde are communicating and he jokes about personal ads and messages written on toilet paper, which was the method used in the book and in the first movie.

You can watch these six episodes without having seen the previous ones — although I strongly urge you to go back and watch it from the beginning if you haven’t seen it already. Bryan Fuller’s vision for the series is much more clear — albeit dark and twisted — than anything else that has been done with it in the past. Be warned that those episodes are particularly gruesome, I still cannot believe they were aired on network television, but always shot with a sense of purpose. The motif of serial killers as artists is hit upon time and time again and we see human bodies turned inside out and bent in unnatural ways to become totem poles, recreate scenes from works of art and literatures, and to become a human color wheel. If you are not squeamish it is well worth watching. Red Dragon has much less gore with the good doctor behind plexiglass although there are still a couple of episodes left and one Freddie Lounds still to be accounted for.

Mr. Robot

This has quickly shot up the charts into my top five shows right alongside the aforementioned Hannibal. There are just a couple of episodes left this season but USA Network has them all available online and they are well worth the investment of your time. The show is an unreliable accounting of events as told by the show’s antihero Elliot Alderson a security consultant by day and a hacktivist by night. He is also a morphine addict and suffers from an antisocial personality disorder.

Elliott is drawn into the web of an hacker terrorist organization called fsociety by Mr. Robot, played by Christian Slater who may or may not be a product of Elliott’s drug addled imagination. After watching the first episode of the show I called it a mix of Heathers, Fight Club, and The Conversation. The first two have been used extensively to describe the show but the paranoia of The Conversation (or Enemy of the State for you young ‘uns) is thoroughly steeped into every second of this show.

Twitter exploded after the most recent episode and I don’t want to reveal too much but if you do not watch this soon you will find yourself on the wrong side of the Ned Stark is dead (oops!) discussions as this show becomes one of the most buzzed about between now and the start of Season 2. As unlikely as Hannibal seems on NBC this seems even more unlikely on USA Network the home of the frothy Suits and Royal Pains. This seems more likely to have languished anonymously on Sundance for a couple of seasons.

There are plenty of great character performances throughout the season but Martin Wallström and Stephanie Corneliussen are threatening to steal the show as the Machiavellian power couple striving to get Wallström the CFO title at Evil Corp. Oh yeah, since we are relying on Elliott as our narrator whenever anyone refers to the conglomerate at the heart of the show’s conspiracies it is simply called Evil Corp. Just trust me and watch the first couple of episodes and get all caught up before Ned Stark’s head hits the basket.

Show Me a Hero

I watch a lot of television and yet somehow I missed out on David Simon’s Treme when it first aired on HBO. I consider The Wire to be at the very pinnacle of TVs accomplishments but I was not ready to wade into Treme until recently. I am halfway through and it has cemented David Simon as someone who will always get my attention when he has something that makes it to the small screen.

I was pretty excited to watch the first episodes of Show Me a Hero, a six part miniseries that he created from the book by Lisa Belkin (which I have not read but will remedy shortly) starring Oscar Isaac. The show is classic Simon as it follows a handful of ordinary people played by extraordinary actors through their lives in the late 80’s Yonkers. When we pick up the story the town had already been embroiled in a years old court case about integrating affordable housing into the white, blue collar community that is terrified and angry about their property values.

Oscar Isaac, who reminds me of a young pre-Hooowaaah! Al Pacino, plays Nick Wasicsko who ascends to become the mayor of Yonkers by taking a populist position against the federal push for integration. Once he gets there he must cope with the reality of the federal court’s mandate which includes the potential of bankrupting fines. When he switches his position to save the city from the financial hardship of being in contempt of court he loses the love of the people and reinvents the White Russian as a cocktail made from Stoli and Maalox.

The two episodes also followed the lives of multiple Yonkers residents on different sides of the struggle. It is reminiscent of the middle seasons of The Wire that focused on the travails of teachers, stevedores, and newspaper columnists as much as it did the cops and drug dealers who shared their city. Which is basically the highest recommendation I can give a show.

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Doctor Doctor” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Doctor Doctor Gigi insists the entire band see a noted musical therapist.

Queen Bee, Gigi declares that the band needs to see a shrink and thus gets an appointment with a shrink who’s healed the psychological scars of all the most screwed up rockers: Aerosmith, Roger Daltry, Kings of Leon, and Pete Townsend. The Assassins poo poo the whole idea while also walking toward the session to give it a shot – mainly because Gigi insists. She’s got the band by the balls… and Flash by that whole bodily region.

“A box of yesterday’s rain will heal today’s spiritual wound,” says the band’s new therapist, Dr. Bell (Griffin Dunne in a hippie wig), an actual psychiatrist and new-ager in socks, sandals, and the lotus position. After the requisite eyeroll, the Assassins immediately start bickering. Then with a deep resounding mantra that fills the room with his, “Ahhhhhhhh,” Dr. Bell assures the band he can heal all their issues by starting with individual sessions. They begin right away.

Each session with the shrink encapsulates the characters brilliantly in just a few moments of talking. Gigi pours out her truth – heart and soul – full of sweetness and vulnerability. She’s the real deal to the point that Dr. Bell ends up hitting on her. Ava gushes about Steven Tyler, specifically his perfect butt and how his lips are like a vagina on his face. Flash asks how old Dr. Bell thinks he looks – mid to late 30s? Johnny just falls straight into REM sleep on the therapy couch. And Bam Bam, the drummer delves into father issues along with lists of his favorite foods. Everybody’s getting their therapy on.

As a next step Dr. Bell gathers them in a circle for an egg ritual. Each egg represents a band member and they must pass them one by one around the “family” circle. If the egg breaks then the band/family member breaks, is the idea. But they never even get to pass the eggs around… breaking them all into a yolky mess on the floor before even having a chance to try handing them to each other. The next ritual involves them each doing a solo performance in front of the band. Ava does a sexy-ukulele-rollerskating-in-a-bathing-suit-and-knee-socks song that was definitely The BEST and almost convinces them to integrate ukulele into The Assassins repertoire. Speaking of being the best, Dr. Bell plays a mind game with Gigi and Johnny where they get uber competitive with each other. At the end Father and Daughter find out neither of them can win this way because “You win by talking and sharing with each other,” Oh Snap! They didn’t even attempt to do that part.

At their next band meeting Johnny takes Dr Bell’s advice about making amends and finally apologizes to Flash for sleeping with his wife decades ago. Everybody starts to wonder, for a moment, if maybe the therapy IS working. Then Ava takes the floor and gets to some deep authentic truths, though. She points out that Flash’s wife slept with everybody anyway. Then she calls Dr. Bell Yanni – an apt description. Ava declares that any great rock band works as a dictatorship and thus what matters in the Assassins is what their true leader wants. Because Gigi is Queen now, her desires are truly the band’s best interests.

People pleasing drummer, Bam Bam then talks fervently about recovering from his food addiction to assuage the now-stressing-out Dr Bell/Yanni… but then a pizza delivery guy comes with a pie for him, “You were supposed to call so I could meet you in the alley out back!” Bam Bam cries. Thus the intensely codependent Dr. Bell loses his shit. He calls the band a “symphony of narcissism. The most effed up band in the History of Rock n’ Roll.” Whoop, high five guys! They ride the high of winning that position in the History of Rock straight to the recording booth and lay out a new song.

–Katherine Recap