[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Because We’re Legion” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Because We’re Legion Greg Dulli sets Gigi up with a well-respected producer from the West Coast.

Gigi breaks up with Flash in the first scene of the Season Finale for how insensitive he was when he didn’t protect her from the record company trying to selling her bod and ignore her huge talent. Johnny sits smug and righteous about this right up until Gigi’s phone rings and it’s Johnny’s eternally sworn nemesis Greg Dulli calling. Since episode one Johnny has ranted and raved about how Dulli ‘stole his vibe” back in the early days of Johnny’s career. It’s been his rationale for failure ever since he first faltered onstage all those years ago. Dulli’s doesn’t get involved with Gigi beyond phonecalls, though. He sends the Assassins a Vibe Advisor who’s flying in from LA to help them fix their vibe and write current hits/ future classics. Gigi takes charge – like she does – and says this is happening no matter because it’ll help the band succeed. So, Johnny’s gotta get Rehab and Bam Bam back into The Assassins to complete their ensemble.

Johnny and Flash sit down with the infinitely helmeted duo at a negotiation table for a hilarious scene of misunderstandings and general ridiculousness that ultimately ends with a reunited Assassins. Immediately after the band reconnects in the recording studifor a battle about which Beatles they all are. Ava declares herself Not Yoko and Gigi follows up on that by saying, “Well, I’m certainly not Linda, I can actually sing!” Then their Vibe Advisor, JP suddenly shows up a day early and crashes their Beatles battleground, silencing the sillyness. JP turns out to be Rob Morrow, seemingly in town for a Northern Exposure reunion with Jon Corbett, who plays Flash. JP explains that he likes to come earlier than schedules to catch clients off guard and get an authentic initial read on their vibe. It must work because right away he’s got a crystalline picture of the band, pointing out that Ava and Johnny have been together forever, that Gigi and Flash just broke up, and that Johnny and Flash are a massive, festering heap of emotional issues.

Going forward in his Vibe Advisory role, JP cultivates massive quantities of sexual chemistry with Gigi and flaunts it in order to inflame Flash’s sexually spurned angst. JP also surreptitiously listens in on the band’s secret whispering and finds out that Ava and Flash slept together way back when as revenge after Johnny and Flash’s wife cheated. Gigi walks in on the end of their conversation about it and notes that they seem suspicious. They’re clearly nervous that she’s figured it out. So, when it’s just seconds before they’re about to record their newest song, Complicated, JP plants feisty seeds all over the studio. He tells Flash and Ava that Gigi knows they slept together then tells Gigi that they did – making it true. Because of all his pot stirring the already awesome song has a profound vibe on the recording. Tension apparently makes great music.

Complicated is so exceptional that Sub Pop is ready to sign a recording deal with them including money to assist them in writing more songs for an album. But then Sub Pop pulls out because that perfume deal Rehab and Bam Bam made with Gigi’s song What’s My Name backfired into loser town. The commercial turned out to be for vaginal itch spray and it’s playing on a nationwide TV loop. Thus, The Assassins are just not cool and edgy enough for Sub Pop after all. The Season (possibly Series?) Finale then concludes with Gigi and Johnny leaving the studio with Ava and Flash left behind to rewatch the vaginal itch commercial together.

The refreshing elements of the show hopefully can keep it alive for a Season Two but there’s still no decision on this prospect as of the Season One Finale. The show’s first season with all plotlines up for grabs and an anything-can-happen question festival when it comes to the stakes of the show. Will the band ever be unified and happy? Can they make it big? What about solo careers? Are Flash and Ava rekindling a romance? Will Gigi date every man over forty in the music business? Though certainly not cliffhanger material, it’s cool that this is a season that ends with ellipses rather than a period. Tons of possibilities with these characters and storylines lend a sense of promise for even more laughs the future. So Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll is certain to be a hilarious ride if FX rolls forward with another season.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Take My Picture by the Pool” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Take My Picture by the Pool Gigi gets a huge record deal; Bam and Rehab quit the band to become uber-hip EDM DJs.

Gigi gets a $250K recording contract offer but the hitch is they only want her – no band. Although the record company doesn’t want the works they’ll do a deal with Johnny and Flash to write songs for Gigi – if Johnny gets a makeover. Unfortunately, “Bam is too fat and Rehab looks olds enough to be Frank Zappa’s dad.” It’s an easy decision for Gigi, the big break she sought is finally here. But devastating for Bam and Rehab who rant and rave that they’d never sell out. They’re artists! Time Out New York called them cutting edge! They have integrity! Etc!

Johnny heads out for some laser resurfacing treatments to meet his makeover contractual obligations while drinking the $5K bottle of cognac he found in the limo. Gigi’s new wardrobe consists of “glorified lingerie” thanks to the record company. She says, “I feel like a whore,” and Flash, who loves it, says, “OK, but a sexy whore.” Meanwhile Johnny looks like a wall street guy in his makeover-assigned blue blazer and frat boy hairdo. But on the bright side, Ava finds it sexually stimulating – right there in the dressing room.

Bam and Rehab are all about a quick comeback. They concoct a plan to DJ duo their way to fame. Their complex BeastCore scheme requires motorcycle suits and helmets along with kicking some serious funky jams behind turntables. Bam and Rehab can be much-younger-than-actual-reality DJs as long as they stay hidden behind those black shiny helmets. The models at the club grind to their hot BeastCore beats. So, Bam and Rehab are loving life even if it’s damn hot under those face mask helmets and full body suits that presumably they can never remove or be thus identified as “fat, old and undoable.” Then they also score one of their BeastCore tracks on a perfume commercial for some “major cash” and it’s NOT selling out because this time THEY are the ones making the choice to do it. It’s an artistic choice because they’re artists, see.

Meanwhile Gigi’s music video outfit is pretty much naked except for a bedazzled string up-the-buttcrack. There’s slightly more choreography than your typical stripper pole stuff but the worst part is the record company hides Gigi’s gorgeous voice behind unnecessary autotune. It’s explained to a protesting Johnny that, “You want the riches you gotta bring the bitches,” which is their cue to leave and abandon this whole record deal, $250K, selling out thing, right after Johnny sneaks a few bottles of that $5K cognac under his snazzy new blazer. Seems like maybe the band isn’t going to break up after all… But Flash isn’t in the winner’s circle with Gigi anymore because he was encouraging all the lingerie and explicit lyrics even as she protested. And now what’s the band going to do about losing Rehab and Bam to their new big-bucks-and-hot-models DJ lifestyle?

There’s only one episode left of season one and it’s still unknown if Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll will get picked up for a season two. It’s truly hilarious at times with cool characters and that trio of titillation established in the title. All great stuff. The only drawback is that it’s not really being marketed as a comedy – the ads and imagery on the show are mainly sexy stuff. Sure, it’s a sexy show but the real show lives in the laughs. There’s a great neverending conflict with Flash and Gigi getting together and breaking up to Johnny’s ever vacillating chagrin and delight. This coupled with the dysfunctional band dynamics and inherent family conflict keep the show delivering all sorts of emotional, financial, and sexual stakes and it’s FUN. No matter what happens with Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll, though, one thing’s for certain – Elizabeth Gillies, who plays Gigi, is definitely going places with that amazing voice and screen presence.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Hard Out There For a Pimp” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Hard Out There For a Pimp Johnny sets Gigi up with a boy her own age; Bam and Rehab come up with a new music genre.

Rehab and Bam, The Assassins bassist and drummer, open the episode by asking for a more even split of profits for the band – just like in U2, where each of the five members get 25%. Never even mind the math, nobody likes the idea based on the mere thought of all things being equal. Johnny challenges them to name the bass player and drummer of U2 and when they can’t the whole topic gets permanently dropped.

Then Gigi, Ava, and Johnny walk home late night dancing and Gigi’s complaining that Flash never goes out with them – he’s such a fossil who’s always tired after gigs. Johnny agrees. He wants her with a younger boyfriend. Also, he doesn’t want to hear blowjob stories about her and Flash either. She’s his daughter, remember?

Later the band’s talking to their manager before a gig and they see Jim, singer in a Normcore duo. Normcore means they dress like they’re headed to a mall in Ohio. Then in a bit while Gigi’s performing with The Assassins onstage Johnny tells the Jim he should ask Gigi out. For the sake of reverse psychology he then tells Gigi that Jim seems like a douche and his band sucks. Voila! His machinations are like rock n’ roll sorcery, just call him Johnny Machiavelli.

Meanwhile Rehab and Bam are inspired by the Normcore duo and decide to form their own band of two members. Why not? They’re not getting their fair share, they don’t even get to have real names, and nobody knows who they are. Looks like a clear case of nothing to lose. Rehab’s big idea for their duo it to just make noises with no lyrics – John Lee hooker meets Marlee Matlin. They’re inventing Beast Core music: driving bass, drums, gutteral grunts and groans, roars, camels, whales – a whole new genre of sound – a movement.

Flash then confronts Johnny accusing that he hooked Gigi up with that Normcore guy – he’s aware of the dastardly plan. Then he calls her for the 47th time and it turns out she is with Jim and they’re buying boring clothes together. They montage dating activities together, including blow which Jim snorts and Gigi ignores in lieu of looking in the line mirror. The next morning their manager warns them that Jim is a lot like Johnny. His Normcore band used to have four members but he slept with the other two’s girlfriends, he does too many drugs and drinks heavily, etc. Nobody believes how much they’re alike until Jim comes out of Gigi’s bedroom and reenacts the exact morning routine Johnny just did. Then everyone’s grossed out that Gigi just basically slept with a younger version of her Dad. Ew.

The miracle transition has finally happened for Johnny and he’s suddenly completely OK with Gigi and Flash as a couple – banging and all. It’s a happy ending for Rehab and Bam as well, their new duo got a standing ovation performing their brand new Beast Core music at the club – musta been those lemur mating calls in the second song.

This episode represents groundbreaking change for Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll because it’s a major emotional shift for Johnny into acceptance of Gigi’s relationship with Flash. Sure, he’s made changes before, even tattooing his asscheeks for the girl, but this one’s particularly deep and meaningful. It means the band’s not only even more a family now, but all the more screwed up too. If only they can get Bam and Rehab back to complete their dysfunctional circle of music… But it’s gonna be tough convincing them to return now that they’re finding some success on their own with Beast Core making animal sounds all over town.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Supercalifragilisticjuliefriggingandrews” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Supercalifragilisticjuliefriggingandrews Gigi meets Johnny’s mom and finds out why Mary Poppins ruined her career in show business.

Johnny’s mom, Elizabeth, calls to notify him she’s dying of cancer and thus, she’s decided to really live these last few months of life to the fullest. So, Elizabeth’s getting married and wants Johnny’s band to play the wedding all gussied up in 70s attire. This gives him the opportunity to tell his mom about her grandchild – Gigi. Elizabeth’s even more excited about his band playing the wedding after googling Gigi and finding out, “She’s gorgeous!” Johnny tells Gigi her grandma has cancer and she expresses how awful that is so he replies, “You haven’t met her yet.”

The band congregates to explain to Gigi why Johnny hates his mom. Turns out he was the reason Elizabeth had to give up her best opportunity, playing Mary Poppins, because she was pregnant with Johnny. She then left his Dad for leaving showbiz to become a doctor and took Johnny on her failure after failure chase for stardom down the back alleys of Broadway. Johnny never got over it and we see where he gets that trait because Elizabeth’s still hella bitter toward Julie Andrews. In fact, it turns out she’s pretty angry with Johnny about it too and Gigi gives her a bit of the bitch right back when she sees this flare up.

At the reception Johnny wrote a special song for his mother and when the band plays it’s an awakening to the room that Gigi’s a spectacular performer. Johnny’s song “Put it on Me” isn’t just a hit with the crowd, it even suits the seventies theme and shows off Gigi’s special gift. Instead of appreciating it, though, Elizabeth takes a stage nearby and has the spotlight transferred to her just when the applause should have been starting for Gigi. She can’t stand to be out of attention’s center, even for her granddaughter to shine. When we hear Elizabeth sing we realize that maybe Johnny’s Dad was right about her not losing the part to Julie Andrews because of baby Johnny… maybe she just wasn’t a good enough singer.

Truths are tumbling out at this point and Elizabeth is such a junkie for all eyes on her that it turns out she doesn’t even have cancer. It was just a ploy to get Johnny to drop everything and suit up 70s style for free in her wedding reception. This news along with her insistence upon mispronouncing Ava’s name time after time bring an aha moment in the last bit of the episode that wait-a-minute, Johnny doesn’t hate her because of his childhood… maybe it’s because she’s just AWFUL. Period. On the bright side, Johnny’s Dad, Captain Serious, is a cool cat who plays tenor sax and, we learn in this episode, has already developed a warm, loving bond with Gigi.

There are funny sexploit subplots in this episode; Flash gets an ass grabbing from Elizabeth’s brand new husband, Bam Bam does sexual favors for barbeque, and Rehab goes to the geriatric boneyard. These scintillating asides coupled with amazing costumes and a plethora of Billy Joel jokes make for a particularly sparkly fun ride in this episode of Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll especially with the family fireworks crackling throughout.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Tattoo You” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Tattoo You Gigi asks Johnny to get a tattoo of her name as a sign of true fatherly commitment.

As this episode of Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll begins Gigi shares her new bicep tattoo of Johnny’s name in red but he’s not appropriately grateful. All Johnny can think is needles needles needles which he hates – so it musta hurt. When Johnny starts to shift and say it’s kinda cool all of a sudden Gigi’s mother, Cat, is at their door – finally revealed! She loves Gigi’s tattoo and asks why Johnny doesn’t have a Gigi tattoo. Cat has one on her wrist that she got on the way home from the hospital after giving birth to Gigi.

When Cat pulls a cigarette out of her bag, revealing her waist, they all spy a tattoo on her hip. It’s Flash’s lightning bolt symbol, apparently indicating that Gigi’s mom already slept with him. Uh oh. Gigi pulls Cat into a back bedroom to accuse her of muffblocking – it’s kinda like cockblocking but for ladies. She’s outraged that Cat is trying to keep her from sleeping with Flash. It’s gotta be a brand new tattoo just for her sake! Then she calls Cat a bitch as her mother leaves in a sweep of black leather and hotness saying that she’s just trying to save the band.. Gigi immediately calls Flash and confronts him but he claims Cat and he only ever just fooled around. They didn’t sleep together. This is oh so very comforting to Gigi who advises Flash not to allow himself to get spellbound and Titnotized by Cat, “Watch out for ‘em!”

Then Gigi’s mom joins the band for rehearsal at the studio and plays them a song she wrote. Flash spontaneously pitches in, snuggling up next to Cat on the piano bench and singing cheek to cheek. Gigi huffily takes him out to the hallway where Flash says having her mom around does make him think maybe Gigi’s too young for him. BUT he had a “sack jack” – surgical ballsack tightening – so he’s not so old in a physical way and also, yeah, he’s attracted to Cat. Here we catch the first glimpse of the Johnny genes in Gigi when she thrashes an amp to bits with a guitar. Bad but undeniably rad, Gigi’s officially a rockstar.

Ava and Gigi’s mom have a bonding session. Cat sadly says that Gigi is her song and Ava’s getting all the royalties. This is especially poignant because Cat actually is a famous songwriter. She just sold a song to Sheryl Crow and even if she lives in Ohio she’s the real deal in the music world – Cat knows the biz. So, that’s why Gigi has so much money!

Johnny finally agrees to get Gigi’s name tattooed on his butt and then throws in Ava’s name on the other cheek because, hey, she’s earned it over the years.. Cat and Flash sing together in the studio so she can remind him of their attraction. But then he ignores that boner to go and get Gigi’s name tattooed on his behind anyway. Yes, it covers up the regrettable Gaga tattoo he got when he was crushing on his former boss… But at least it’s a real one, unlike the Johnny tattoo Gigi has on her bicep. That one gets smudged by Cat when she hugs Gigi goodbye after deciding her job here in HeathenTown is done.

Now Johnny’s sad that it turns out Gigi just got a temp henna one while he got a real tattoo. Gigi explains that she was afraid to commit and needs more time to see their father/daughter bond grow. He rose to the test, yes but she’s really only ready to get a flaming dice tattoo on her lower hip right now. “Those are a lot of flames,” Johnny says, looking at the picture she shows him of her potential tat. We can almost see the flames rising around him as Johnny starts to experience the first pangs of what parenthood is really like.

This episode rocks a double dose of the usually singular parenting theme but stays funny and sexy still. In this sixth episode we’re starting to see cracks in the blossoming romance between Flash and Gigi while at the same time she’s finally admitting to doubts about her connection with Johnny. So, the honeymoon phase of Gigi and the band is officially over. The bloom’s off the rock n’ roll rose but thanks goodness the jokes keep rolling forth and every new character introduced is cooler than the last. Cat went back to Ohio but here’s hoping she shows up again this season because that double dose of parenthood really hit the spot under her cultivated care.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Doctor Doctor” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Doctor Doctor Gigi insists the entire band see a noted musical therapist.

Queen Bee, Gigi declares that the band needs to see a shrink and thus gets an appointment with a shrink who’s healed the psychological scars of all the most screwed up rockers: Aerosmith, Roger Daltry, Kings of Leon, and Pete Townsend. The Assassins poo poo the whole idea while also walking toward the session to give it a shot – mainly because Gigi insists. She’s got the band by the balls… and Flash by that whole bodily region.

“A box of yesterday’s rain will heal today’s spiritual wound,” says the band’s new therapist, Dr. Bell (Griffin Dunne in a hippie wig), an actual psychiatrist and new-ager in socks, sandals, and the lotus position. After the requisite eyeroll, the Assassins immediately start bickering. Then with a deep resounding mantra that fills the room with his, “Ahhhhhhhh,” Dr. Bell assures the band he can heal all their issues by starting with individual sessions. They begin right away.

Each session with the shrink encapsulates the characters brilliantly in just a few moments of talking. Gigi pours out her truth – heart and soul – full of sweetness and vulnerability. She’s the real deal to the point that Dr. Bell ends up hitting on her. Ava gushes about Steven Tyler, specifically his perfect butt and how his lips are like a vagina on his face. Flash asks how old Dr. Bell thinks he looks – mid to late 30s? Johnny just falls straight into REM sleep on the therapy couch. And Bam Bam, the drummer delves into father issues along with lists of his favorite foods. Everybody’s getting their therapy on.

As a next step Dr. Bell gathers them in a circle for an egg ritual. Each egg represents a band member and they must pass them one by one around the “family” circle. If the egg breaks then the band/family member breaks, is the idea. But they never even get to pass the eggs around… breaking them all into a yolky mess on the floor before even having a chance to try handing them to each other. The next ritual involves them each doing a solo performance in front of the band. Ava does a sexy-ukulele-rollerskating-in-a-bathing-suit-and-knee-socks song that was definitely The BEST and almost convinces them to integrate ukulele into The Assassins repertoire. Speaking of being the best, Dr. Bell plays a mind game with Gigi and Johnny where they get uber competitive with each other. At the end Father and Daughter find out neither of them can win this way because “You win by talking and sharing with each other,” Oh Snap! They didn’t even attempt to do that part.

At their next band meeting Johnny takes Dr Bell’s advice about making amends and finally apologizes to Flash for sleeping with his wife decades ago. Everybody starts to wonder, for a moment, if maybe the therapy IS working. Then Ava takes the floor and gets to some deep authentic truths, though. She points out that Flash’s wife slept with everybody anyway. Then she calls Dr. Bell Yanni – an apt description. Ava declares that any great rock band works as a dictatorship and thus what matters in the Assassins is what their true leader wants. Because Gigi is Queen now, her desires are truly the band’s best interests.

People pleasing drummer, Bam Bam then talks fervently about recovering from his food addiction to assuage the now-stressing-out Dr Bell/Yanni… but then a pizza delivery guy comes with a pie for him, “You were supposed to call so I could meet you in the alley out back!” Bam Bam cries. Thus the intensely codependent Dr. Bell loses his shit. He calls the band a “symphony of narcissism. The most effed up band in the History of Rock n’ Roll.” Whoop, high five guys! They ride the high of winning that position in the History of Rock straight to the recording booth and lay out a new song.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “What You Like Is in the Limo” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
What You Like Is in the Limo The Heathens find out they are somehow still big in Belgium.

Johnny gets mistaken for Christopher Walken at a photo shoot so, “Do I really look seventy?” is all he can say or think about for awhile. But then Johnny gets distracted from his persona’s fossilization process when the band finds out they’re big in Belgium. It’s mainly because in Belgium they thought Johnny was dead… and now that they found out he’s alive they’re calling it The Second Coming. The band’s excited because Belgium has great pharmaceuticals not yet available in the US… and the best waffles.

Flash is still angry and wants to drop Johnny from the band. Aren’t we The Assassins now? And isn’t Gigi the lead singer? Ahhhh, but the Belgium offer is big bucks and they want Johnny at the microphone. There’s the rub. So, one more gig with Johnny as lead singer. It’s decided, manager and all.

In the surreal follow up scene Ava drinks red wine and twirls around the room voicing the unconscious expectations of the band – Johnny’s gonna screw it all up then Gigi will take the mic in hand, save the band, and become a huge star. Afterward Ava and Johnny chat while she’s wearing a distractingly perfect black bra and she pep talks him to the point that Johnny believes he can really pull it off this time – though he’s choked at every other big opportunity. Then Flash tells Gigi they need to cut Johnny loose because it’s all about making great music. But even though they call each other “Honey” and “Baby” now, Gigi doesn’t fall for it. She’s giving Daddy a chance in Belgium.

Their Belgium show sells out in seven hours and the band makes a hilarious game out of constructing the most ridiculous backstage rider in rock history – including celebrity look alike masseuses, a batman bong, a sixteen foot snake, and a catalogue of pills not yet FDA approved in the US. Gigi and the Flash try to talk sense, bringing up the concept of “priorities” ,,, but listing cool shit to have backstage is just the most fun so the rest of the band ignores them. This rider will live in infamy. Fist pump, baby!

Next Johnny takes the stage in Belgium but the drummer Bam Bam does an unapproved solo right at the start and throws him off his rockstar game. Then thanks to some of those non-FDA-approved Belgium pills, Johnny imagines an owl with red eyes diving for him, a teleprompter full of insults, and a coiled snake on stage. He makes a run for backstage and insists Gigi take over. She handles it like a pro and struts to the mic in a bodacious low cut number with cocksure swagger. Their IT girl blows the crowd away – like she always does. Gigi was born to be a rock star.

After the show in the limo their manager tells them the band’s already asked back for two gigs in Belgium next year. Flash, in bedazzled vinyl pants, fights (again) to cut Johnny out of the band. Goodbye Heathens, Hello Assassins! But Gigi take the reigns before this greeting/goodbye even lands. She renames the band Gigi and the Assassins. Johnny’s going to stay on as songwriter like she’s always said. Then Gigi’s even got a new rider in mind for next year’s Belgium gig and it includes bone teardrop Chopard earrings for her. The girl’s got it all figured out and says Johnny has to start seeing a shrink – in fact the whole band does because, “This band’s so dysfunctional, it makes Metallics look like the Jonas Brothers.”

So, next week we’ll see the latest machinations of Gigi as she gradually owns The Assassins. It’s becoming The Gigi show as she always handles rockstar adversity with such capable aplomb at the wheel – while Johnny is the Bugs Bunny, monkey wrench, Frivolous McGee in her sidecar. He keeps things interesting while she methodically conspires to rule the world with a pink bikini and killer voice as her greatest weapons. Gigi gets what Gigi wants. So, the big question becomes – what will she want next?

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Lust For Life” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:

Lust For Life Johnny decides to stay dead for financial reasons.

Episode three kicks off with Johnny explaining to Gigi that nobody has ever really loved him. He says what happens is they actually just fall in love with the “idea” of him and then end up disappointed in the real deal. Soon after this de facto heart-to-heart, Johnny finds out the Internet is proclaiming he’s dead – choked on a chicken bone. Johnny tries to get over the fact that Rolling Stone hasn’t picked up the story when his manager suggests that maybe he’s best off deceased because the info that he’s dead has been boosting album sales. Johnny agrees as long as they can “come up with a cooler way to kill him.” Unfortunately, all the hippest deaths were taken by former rock stars. The band then fights over who gets to shoot him while getting increasingly excited about changing their name to The Assassins.

Johnny hears Gigi say, “You’ll be a rock n’ roll legend” and signs on for the brilliant plan, while Flash gets to fulfill his decades old dream of killing him. When the news of his repackaged shooting death hits the real media, ie blogs, Johnny’s girlfriend, Ava, gets flowers from hot rock stars. Then the news comes out that at some point in his career Johnny slept with Joan Jett. This infuriates Ava. She’s incensed because apparently when it happened Johnny didn’t even have the consideration to ask Joan if she wanted a threeway “she’s into girls, ya know.” Yeah, we knew that, Ava but we didn’t know how completely awesome you are – until now.

Johnny’s death doesn’t just boost sales for old Heathens albums it also serves as an “origin story for Gigi’s new band”. Buzz develops momentum thanks to her Twitter-posted pink bikini bod and she begins to develop name recognition. At the same time videos start rolling online of Johnny’s historically frequent “vomiting incidents” during shows. Subsequently, Gigi gets the jitters about her first big gig and tells Johnny a Brooklyn version of the Jonah and the whale bible story to explain how she’s his second chance at fame – a big responsibility for such a petite girl. Gigi hopes she didn’t inherit his fear of success making Johnny realize his kid is insightful and maybe he really does have a second chance now – thanks to her.

Joan Jett makes a sexy, funny rockstar guest appearance backstage at Gigi’s gig. She emasculates Johnny and encourages Gigi with the perfect advice all in one swift encounter. Then Johnny figures out that his death hoax, which essentially got Gigi’s band on the map, was orchestrated by the band’s manager to raise their Q score. But Johnny can see it’s working as an undeniable of-the-moment rock n’ roll coup, so he agrees to the Twitter handle @GigisDad along with the Tweet announcing that in fact, he’s actually alive.

The episode wraps with Gigi performing a song she and Johnny wrote together. She invigorates the room with sublime sex appeal and a thrilling voice – exquisite bliss for audience ears in the age of auto-tune. Joan Jett says what everyone’s already thinking, The girl’s gonna be a star. Johnny watches from the wings with a smile because this It Girl is his girl. When she sings their song it’s clear Johnny finally knows for sure that somebody loves the real him after all. He wipes away a tear and then the crowd starts chanting “Gigi, Gigi, Gigi….”

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Clean Rockin’ Daddy” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Clean Rockin’ Daddy.The band wants Johnny to write songs again but doesn’t want him using drugs and alcohol.

The first scene of the second episode opens with Johnny signing a contract for an awesome loft and dream job as a songwriter. The band’s manager – that lawyer from Ally McBeal who was obsessed with waddles – explains the terms. All he has to do is write five songs in two months. Flash already signed it and the deal’s a win-win. He signs it.

Next thing we know Gigi and Flash find Johnny in the studio waking up from a bender behind some drums. He got blasted the night before and wrote an awesome song. Everyone agrees. They rock it out and love it. But then the fact that he was high when he wrote it is apparently against the rules on this merry go around. Their manager insists Johnny has to stay clean while he writes songs under the contract he just signed. They all insist his health is the most important thing. When he asks them to name a great band or rock star that doesn’t get high they say Coldplay, Morrisey, Radiohead. Johnny says he rests his case.

“Every time I listen to a song by Radiohead I feel like I’m failing the SATs all over again.”

Despite Johnny’s numerous protestations that all the greatest songs are written under the influence, he eventually agrees to give it a shot. The drummer, Bam, is determined to help Johnny with a resolute sincerity, breathing exercises, and gluten free tater tots. He advises Johnny to “Breathe. Flow. Engage.” But Johnny really isn’t into that Sting record. Meanwhile the bass player may be named Rehab but he’s got a duffle bag full of pills that “help him stay clean and sober.” Those are the best kind, Rehab. We get it. Not only does Rehab have lots of Adderall, he’s got a gut bursting with rage and 29 songs about the Irish potato famine for Johnny to consider adding to the new album. Johnny’s willing to listen if it means he gets to finger those pills. Luckily he gets some in his system because the songs sound like the old days when people used to play records backward searching for secret satan messages.

Johnny’s pill-filled bloodstream helps with his fifteenth Flash convo about not sleeping with his daughter, a fun mocking parody of Morrisey/Radiohead pleading for the world to not eat meat, and a Gigi confrontation when Johnny explains that he’s not an addict but an artist and the drugs ease his expression. She doesn’t fall for it and confiscates the rest of his pills. Now Johnny’s officially down to a cup of coffee and slow sunset as inspiration for his next song… a falsetto whine about mining sinner’s gold that sounds like something “Sting would write living inside Sarah Maclaughlin’s vagina.”

After the band and their manager listen they’re immediately off to get him whiskey, weed, vodka, and Darvon so Johnny can get high and write a decent song. But no more blow, Gigi insists. She gets the best lines. But Johnny gets his way, so he wins this one.

–Katherine Recap

[For Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll‘s “Don’t Wanna Die Anonymous” or any other recaps on Fetchland, assume the presence of possible spoilers.]

FX Summary:
Don’t Wanna Die Anonymous. Watching a sold out Afghan Whigs reunion show leads Johnny to try and get his old band back together.

Denis Leary’s new TV show is a lighthearted romp into the land of debauchery with cool clothes, laughs, and hot peeps to boot. Leary plays Johnny Rock, has-been lead singer of the rock band The Heathens, who really never amounted to much because they broke up right after the release of their allegedly promising first album.

The show starts with Johnny at a particularly low point, snorting dishwashing soap and reminiscing about the days of yore, though they weren’t really worthy of remembering. Thing is, he’s got his hot backup singers by his side to this day and they continue to look amazing, even in leather pants. Though still willing to sleep with him, they’re understandably a bit fed up with his consistent failures. They poo poo the idea of Johnny taking a job as lead singer in a Jon Bon Jovi tribute band (which pays shockingly well, by the way). Do they really think he can do better? The unsaid but undeniable question dangles in the air above them when across the street they see Gigi. She’s the daughter Johnny never knew about, who looks like a cross between Susan Sarandon and Lindsey Lohan. Best of all she’s loaded and not with drugs or booze. Gigi’s got money and lots of it. Turns out she tracked Johnny down because she wants to be a lead singer and figures he’s the ticket for her ride to the big time.

John Colbert plays Flash, who can’t seem to forgive Johnny for ruining the band all those years ago… and Johnny sleeping with his wife didn’t help heal the wound either. He’s a hired gun lead guitarist now working for Lady Gaga and signing nineteen year old tits after the show. But when he gets a peek at Gigi’s booty on Johnny’s phone, Flash gets a Count of Monte Cristo look in his eye and says hell yeah he’ll get the band back together to play with HER. It’s a good thing too because Gigi really wants Flash to help jump start her music career.

The last scene is by far the best when Johnny spends an eternity explaining all the body parts on his daughter that the band isn’t allowed to mention, touch or look at in extraordinary detail only to have this all forgotten when she blows into the room and takes over. Gigi is a star. She enters, names her song, and then destroys with a whopping rendition that wakes everybody up. Oh yeah, that’s what these instruments are for and what we’ve always wanted… to be a rock band. But Johnny’s just standing back watching and thus we see the real story beginning to unfold. A Star is Born but this time it’s her Daddy not her husband by her side.

There’s a lot to love about this show with Dennis Leary in fine form, knockout jokes, and realistic dialogue, especially in a convo with a God Johnny doesn’t believe in. This is how people really talk and the story plows forward with fabulous ferocity. All the realism, funny, and rock chic fit together like a sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll puzzle – a learning toy that’s actually fun to play. Can’t wait for next week to see Flash start playing out his revenge fantasy while Johnny watches his daughter own his spot at the microphone again in front of the band he nearly destroyed.

–Katherine Recap